A portrait - from embarrassing to not too bad

I went up to DC yesterday to work with Rob Vander Zee.  He's a very good teacher.  He has a school two days a week in which he gives demos and individual instruction.  I feel like I learn a lot from him each time I work with him.

Yesterday I took a piece I'd started on a while back and had given up on because it was so awful.  I had decided to work on an old canvas so I painted over the old painting with a mixture of palette mud and pumice, thinking I might draw with pastels rather than paint.  Then I changed my mind and decided to paint, but my goodness!  The canvas was horrific.  It was like trying to drag a brush through dry sand.  I couldn't get it to work on teh canvas. It was terrible.  Despite that, I was pretty determined so I perservered, but I just couldn't get the painting to work.  It is a gorgous portrait of Valley, the model I've been collaborating with for the upcoming show Artists and Writers at Randolph Macon (opening Feb 20), and I love the image, so I was excited to do the painting.  I started using the method Rob had taught me, loosely, lightly, using Galkyd for glaze.  That stuff REALLY didn't like the surface I'd created!  Also, in choosing to work lightly and loosely, I went at the face with an approximation of how it should look, not being persnickety and exacting, figuring I would go back into it and refine it later.  That is NOT a good way to do a face!

The first part was fine - the bathing suit turned out nicely.  Her hair looks good.  I grided in her face so I would have guidelines to work with.

And now at the risk of embarrassing myself completely, I'll post the first rendition of her face.  It was horrible!  Poor thing, she looks like one of those dessicated faces made out of dried apples.  Sorry, Valley!

Quite discouraged, I painted over her face and put the canvas aside for a couple of months.  My son and husband kept coming out to the studio though and commenting on the piece and saying they really liked her hair and her bathing suit and that I should work on it some more.  NO.  Too discouraged.

Until Monday night when I was trying to figure out what to take to DC the next day.  My printer is totally wrecked so I can't print out any photos right now, so I had to work on something I already had a photo for.  I decided to be bold and brave and to try working on this picture again. 

When I got up there I gridded the face again so I could do it with a lot of accuracy.  Then I began painting.  It was helpful to have Rob there to point out when I was headed off in the wrong direction.  I did all the features with great detail until he suggested I soften all the lines, and blur the ones between her teeth.  That was very helpful.

I managed to make some very good progress on her face and came home feeling like perhaps it wasn't a completely lost cause.

This afternoon I worked on a few things on her face then re-painted her arm and bathing suit so the colors were in harmony with her face which was no longer lavender.  Now it's feeling close to finished, and I'm not so embarrassed to show the darn thing in public!  I think I need to work on her eyes a bit more but otherwise it may be close to done.  I know it doesn't look 100% like Valley, but I think most people who know her would know that's what I had in mind.  I hope so at least!  Portraits are not easy to paint.  It's significantly easier just to paint a body with no hands or feet or face!!

Rob VanderZee told me I was going to have to be willing to sacrifice myself for my artwork about Women's Body Image.  That made me uncomfortable.  I didn't know what he meant.

Today I started to get a feel for what he meant.

Yesterday I met with a publisher who is working with me to develop ideas for my book.  It was an exhilarating meeting.  She has great ideas, is a great listener, and isn't pushy in the least.  I feel like God sent me an angel to help me put the pieces together so that the book can come into being.  It was truly amazing.

Today was the first uninterrupted day I've had in the studio since I stopped tutoring.  (And I have to go to Chris's office party at 5:30, so it isn't quite a full day, but I've sure made the most of it.)  It has been fantastic to have time to explore and do things I've been wanting to do for ages.

As soon as I woke up, I couldn't wait to get up, but I decided to do Morning Pages first so I could blow the cobwebs out of my sleepy brain to help me for the rest of the day.  Then I did 30 minutes of yoga so I could get the creaks out of my body and so I could have more focus in the studio.

After a shower, I took my camera to the post office to send it to Canon for repairs - I was in the middle of a photo shoot a couple of days ago and it completely stopped working.  One of the pins that goes into the memory card broke and I have no way of fixing it myself, so Canon will have to help me out.  $180 - ouch.  But at least I'll have my camera back.  A friend lent me her Nikon because I had another model coming yesterday, so I'm not out of commission, thankfully.

On the way to the post office, I was going down Pinetta here in BonAir.  I saw a police car so I slowed down, as is my wont.  I was going 36 so figured I was probably fine.  I was quite surprised to see the car pull out behind me with lights flashing.  I pulled into the Post Office parking lot with the squad car behind me.  A policewoman got out of the car.  I rolled down the window and asked with concern if I'd done anything wrong.  I couldn't imagine.  She asked if I know the speed limit on Pinetta.  I thought about it and realized I didn't - I figured it was probably 35.  She said it was 25!  Yikes.  I said, "Then I did do something wrong.  Geez."  She asked for my license and registration.  I gave her my license then started scouring the car for my registration.  I had no clue where it would be.  I haven't needed it since we bought the car 18 months ago.  She went back and ran a check on my license while I looked for the registration.  I couldn't find it.  She said, "Well, you have a good driving record so I'm going to give you a Christmas present and only give you a warning.  But make sure you go home and find your registration and put it with your insurance information in an envelope and put both in the car.  If you have an accident you'll need them both."  I was SO relieved.  Here I was going to the PO to send my camera to get fixed, an unexpected expense - if I'd had to add a speeding ticket - 19 miles a hour over the speed limit - I would have been really upset.  Horrible.  I am very thankful for her kindness.  It was truly a lovely gift.


After driving home VERY SLOWLY (and waving at the officer as I drove by her), I came out to the studio as quickly as I could and started painting.  I worked on the new picture of Valley, refining the painting I'd done on her hands and breasts.  They look wonderful. 

After lunch I decided it would be a good idea to do some writing.  I'd told the publisher I needed some time to actually get words down on paper before I met with her again - a book doesn't happen just through talking, I don't think!  I wrote for about an hour about my relationship to my body and various things that have happened over the years to help me come to do this work I'm doing now.  It felt good to get it down on paper, though it did bring up some anger and discomfort.  Oh well, that's part of the work.  As the publisher told me yesterday, writing is a process of discovery.  I've already done a lot of this work, but there is always more to do!


After writing for a while, I decided to do something I'd been wanting to do for quite a while.  The phrase from Rob VanderZee is applicable here.  My interpretation of "sacrificing myself" is to photograph myself and relentless draw what I see.  I started with my belly since that's the part of my body I feel least comfortable with.  I photographed it from all sides in heavy shadow.  This is a pencil drawing I did from one photo.  I plan to do more over the course of the month. 

I also photographed my breasts and drew one of those.  It looks a bit imbalanced in this drawing.  I probably need to go back into it tomorrow.  I'm not going to show it here because it simply isn't well done enough, but eventually I'll get it and will post it.

In addition to my breasts and belly, I thought it might be powerful to photograph my face.  Since I'm the one writing this blog, I get to choose which picture I show (!), so I'm showing one of the ones I find attractive.  I took plenty where I was finding tears and laughter and various feelings.  It was powerful looking through them and seeing myself so clearly.  It's hard to deny what the camera sees, unlike when one looks in the mirror.  I can fool myself in all kinds of ways there.  I think I generally look pretty young, but there's no denying that I have a lot of wrinkles on my face.  I kind of like them and the character they show, but I know I'm not supposed to like them.



I was helped greatly by a 9-year-old student I had when I taught German as a 23-year-old in Austria.  She looked at me and said, "Frau Kuli (her nickname for me), you're going to have the most wonderful wrinkles when you get older because you have such a beautiful smile."  I have chosen to live into that rather than the fear that I'll look old when I get old because I have wrinkles.  I think the lines on my face show the expressions I've had on my face the most - those expressions have carved my skin into the shape it has now.  Had I spent much of my time scowling or frowning or disapproving, my face would look quite different.

I'm thinking about painting a series of self portraits from these photos.  To me, that's what Rob meant - I have to be willing to expose myself completely, to dig deep, deep, deep into my own psyche and offer myself up as someone who has done so in order to enable others to choose to examine their own stuff.  The publisher said the same thing yesterday - that the more truthful I can be in my writing, the more it will resonate with others, and the more they'll be willing to take their own journeys. 

I've done much of the psychological work already - it's recorded in my 4 packing boxes full of journals - but now I have to look back and get some objectivity and write it in a way that others can and want to read.  It's a very personal journey.  A powerful and precious one too.

Classical Beauty

It's been tough getting into the studio lately because I've been so darned busy, but last week I got to paint after my jury duty was over on Monday.  I began work on a new piece from a photo taken of a new model.  This woman has been quite athletic all her life, I believe, and she has a classically shaped body, which is why I call the painting of her Classical Beauty.

I painted the picture using the medium Galkyd and the techniques which Rob VanderZee taught me about.  I grid the painting the way I normally do, but then I laid in the first layer with less precision, blending the boundaries between body and background. 

 Then I worked with some complementary colors to make the colors richer and more luscious.

  After toning everything down, I brought it back up by using opaque colors on the highlights where it's especially light.  I'm really enjoying the glow of her skin and the soft roundness all over.

Arched

While up at Rob Vander Zee's in Alexandria last Wednesday, I worked on a new piece.  It's of the same model as for Classical Beauty.  She has such a graceful way of comporting herself.  Many, many of the pictures turned out beautifully.  This is one of my favorites.  I haven't had a chance to touch it since last Wednesday, but if I get off the computer soon enough, I can get out there and play for a couple of hours now before meeting Chris at the gym!

I didn't get off the computer quickly enough, but I did get to the gym.  One for two!

In May 2009, I did a piece I entitled Carol and Space.  It was one of my earlier pieces, and I liked it quite a lot.  Chris didn't like the "space" part of it - he doesn't tend to like the space I leave in some of my paintings, but I do - I like the compositional aspect of it, and I think it allows the viewer to have space to think about the body being presented.  It works for me.

But somehow the piece didn't work well enough for me to decide to show it at Sacred Flesh.  It didn't feel strong enough.  The model's body is quite exquisite, especially considering that she is 57!  It is smooth and sleek and very trim.  And difficult to paint, actually, because she has so few curves!  It was difficult for me to show the curves of her body because the planes are so flat.  Someone with more flesh on her bones is actually easier to portray.

When I decided to take a class with Rob VanderZee the weekend of the opening of Sacred Flesh, I wasn't sure what to work on.  I decided, finally, to bring Carol and Space and see what happened.  Rob taught us a painting technique which allows for a lot more interactions with chance than I normally have in my paintings.  He uses a medium called Galkyd Lite by Gamblin.  He mixes it in with his paint then smears the canvas with it quite liberally.  After it dries for about 15 minutes, he splashes turpenoid on the canvas which causes drips and sprinkles and all sorts of serendipitous messes.  He has been doing it for years, so his "messes" are fairly controlled.  Mine weren't!  Here's what the canvas looked like after a couple of hours of working/playing on it.  I like what I did to her body.  I think it looks more interesting.  The addition of green to the shadows is successful, and I think the strokes are more interesting.  The background is definitely interesting, but I wouldn't say I exactly like it!  (The glare comes from the medium - it dries extremely glossy, to the point where it's practically like polyurethane on furniture.  I'm not sure I like how plasticky it is.  It feels very unnatural.  But it's fun to play with and learn about.)

I brought it home at this point and sat with it a few days before going at it again.  This time I lightened up the background and eventually added some spirals and other designs to try to unify the background and figure a bit.  I like this better than the previous rendition, but it didn't feel complete.  At this point, I went into Adobe Photoshop to try out some options.  I tried adding other images of the model to see if that would balance it better.

 I think they're somewhat more interesting, but they don't do it for me still.  It's difficult to balance two things in a painting - I told Chris it's like having two candlesticks.  They're pretty enough, but they don't make for a very interesting composition.  These two images are a bit more interesting, but don't completely work for me.  I think the juxtaposition between forward facing and back showing are interesting, but ultimately neither worked for me.

What I came up with instead is the following:

I didn't really mean to come up with the green on the left, but once I did, I liked it.  It adds a different, more interesting element to it.  I have no idea how it'll look when I'm finished, and I guess I don't care very much actually.  I've decided that this picture is all about experimentation and play.  The results don't matter to me very much.

Here's the day's result from having painted the figure onto the right hand canvas.  The body is obviously not finished.  Her arm looks gigantically out of proportion.  I've checked it several times and will check it again.  I think it might look better once I do the left hand side - don't know.  I'll find out.

I've prepared the green side of the canvas - or am working on it.  I have a few versions of it.  Here it is next to the first half:

I think the green is too bright.  It definitely adds a different feel to it!

Tonight I showed my students what I was working on and they were very curious about the technique I used to make the drips and drops and all so I worked on that canvas some more.  Here's how it's looking now.  I've toned it down and added a couple more layers of paint.  The Galkyd is NOT a nice thing to use, though.  My heart is racing from the fumes.  I don't think this can become a permanent part of my repertoire.  Not nice stuff.  I am not willing to cause myself an illness from my art.  I like how this looks, though.  It's definitely a fascinating medium.  I'm a bit loathe to go back into it and add the figure because this is so fun like it is, but I'll do it anyway so I can complete the piece.  Maybe over the weekend I'll have time...

The Opening!!!

The opening was perfect!  Thank you to all of you who were there and to the zillions of you who sent good wishes but couldn't make it.  Your energy made it a fantastic night and one I'll remember for years to come.

I've been in an amazing art workshop all weekend, Fri - today, 10-4, taught by Rob VanderZee, so I haven't had a second to blog about the opening, but I will first thing tomorrow.  There are so many stories to tell.  So many wonderful interactions with people who engaged with the work in visceral and powerful ways.  I'm really looking forward to sharing the Opening with you, but I have to be in class in about a half hour and need to eat some breakfast first.

Til tomorrow then! 

(If you were at the opening and have some thoughts or feelings or impressions to share, please send them on.  I'd love for this to be more than just my impressions!)

Weekend Plans... Rob Vander Zee and Sacred Flesh

What a strange day today!  I think I'm actually done with preparations for the show!  That means I've had relaxed time to spend with my daughter who's leaving for Germany for the year tomorrow.  And I had time to make a nice lunch.  And I can even think about making dinner too.  This is novel behavior this month!  I hope I can get used to it.

Tomorrow is the Preview at the gallery from 5-7.  208 W Broad St, Richmond, 23220.  Visual Art Studio.  Be there or be square!

Friday I'm taking an art class for the whole weekend at Crossroads Art Center with Rob Vander Zee.  I saw the advertisement for his class and immediately felt drawn to take it.  There have been a few times in my life when I have just known there was a right thing to do.  Whenever I've followed such strong leadings, it has proven to be the right thing to do.

One such leading occurred at Quaker Meeting when I saw an advertisement for a singing weekend.  It just felt like the right thing to do so I signed up.  While there, I met a person who became very important in my life and set the trajectory of it for the next several years.  That was a good leading!

I love it when it happens because it's exciting to see what comes from it, so I'm really looking forward to the class.  Rob teaches classical forms of painting and talks a lot about marketing.  He's located in DC, so I'm hoping he'll be able to give me some tips about galleries that might be interested in my work in that area.  Who knows what the future holds?  I'm curious to find out!

After class Friday is the opening for Sacred Flesh!  Super exciting!  I'm really looking forward to seeing people there and sharing my work with the public.  Many of the models will be coming to the Artist's Talk to talk about their experience modeling for me or simply just to see the work.  It should be a very fun evening!  Hope to see you there!