A wonderful Christmas present a little bit early - a taste of Murano

Yesterday my husband gave me a wonderful Christmas present which he wanted me to participate in.  After the Memorial Service for my friend, he directed me where to drive - to JoMoCo Studio, a stained glass store where a woman named Judy Coleman works.  We had seen her work at Gallery at the Unitarian Church in October and had loved it.  Chris was prescient enough to get her card and to remember it come Christmas shopping time!  His gift to me is a commissioned piece of stained glass!


First of all, glass is my all-time favorite medium!  I absolutely love how light shines through it.  When I go to Europe, Venice, specifically the glass blowing island of Murano, is my favorite place to go. These pictures are of a glass tree that was in a square in the town as well as a close up of that tree.  Can you imagine what would happen if a strong wind came along??!

I could watch the glass blowers ply their craft the entire day without ever getting weary!  Here's a picture of one which I got off the web.

The other pictures are from around the town.  I love Venice so much!  I would love to live there and spend all my time going from artisan shop to artisan shop all day long.  I love how the ancient crafts are so respected and are still done.  On a given street, you can find someone making a mask for Carnival, then another person carving a picture frame by hand then applying the gilding.  Another person might be doing lampworking glass or painting a watercolor of the exceedingly beautiful streets.  The people were all very friendly and welcoming!  They were completely willing to talk to us about their crafts in fairly good English (unfortunately I don't know Italian).  I felt so comfortable there.  Each corner we turned, there was another gorgeous view to enrich our day.  The whole place felt like eye candy.

Hmmm...  I was talking about my Christmas present!

Knowing how much I love glass, Chris found the perfect gift for me!  I got to go to the shop and sift through Judy's stores of glass and images of works she'd previously made and choose goodies to go in a piece to hang in the window of my studio!  She was fine with my designing the piece too, but I love her aesthetic and the pieces she's made that I've seen, so I see no reason to stick my nose into that!  I told her what I love about what she does, told her I want lots of red in it, and asymmetry is fine with me, then asked her to let her intuition do the rest.  I'm excited to see what she comes up with!  That'll be a real treat for the new year!  I'll be sure to post a picture of it when it's done and hanging in my studio!

Finally painting again!

It felt so good to stand in front of the canvas and apply paint to it again today!  The last week I'd been tutoring in the studio, so I had my canvases put away so as not to distract my teenage students!  As soon as the final student left, I pulled out my current piece and put it up on the easel where it rested patiently until I finally came back to her today.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I was planning to paint right away this morning but ended up having to take my son to work because his car couldn't make it through the icy snow up to the top of our hill.  Then, while I was out, it seemed like a good idea to go Christmas shopping and see if I could finish getting everything I needed for that.  By the time I got home, I was definitely what could be qualified as pissy.  Thankfully my son called to say he didn't need me to pick him up until a little bit later, so I came out here to paint until I had to go pick him up.  I made great inroads in 2 hours.  After dinner I returned to paint somemore.  Three hours later, I'm feeling like I can't do much more today.  I'll wait until tomorrow to mix up some paint for the background and re-paint it.  That will give me a chance to refine and correct the outlines where they're off. 

Today I worked on her face a lot.  The hardest part was giving the illusion of shadows of hairs over her face.  I also worked on the elbow again.   Elbows and knees are remarkably complex!  I'm finding that bellies and breasts are the easiest to paint.  But it's all interesting and challenging and fun.  When I get a certain part just right, I can feel it in my gut:  I'll be ready to apply paint to a certain area, I'll look at it, then at the photo, then I'll just know it doesn't need any more paint - it's exactly right.  It's a very good feeling! 

I'll see how it looks tomorrow when I can see it in daylight and after a night's rest - I can often see things that need fixing when I've been away from them for the night.

Tomorrow is the memorial service for the woman who died last week.  I look forward to honoring her soul.  Such a wonderful woman!

Tomorrow is also when my daughter gets home from college for a couple of weeks.  Very wonderful!  I love hanging out with her and getting a real sense of how she's doing.  Phone calls just aren't the same!  Especially on cell phones that cut off too often!

On being different

Many years ago when I was in therapy, my therapist said something to me that really took me aback.  She said, "Well, you know, you're certainly not what most people consider normal!"  Those weren't her exact words, but it was something to that effect.  I asked her what she meant because I had always considered myself normal.  She pointed out my some of my choices - nursing my kids til they were done, attachment parenting, considering homeschooling, living overseas, travelling and speaking several languages, artistic bent, ecologically minded (in the days before green became an advertising slogan), free-spirited. I'd never before considered that I thought or acted differently than the majority of other people in society.  It was so startling to me I didn't know what to do with the information.  I have tucked it away and occasionally bring it out, look at it, ponder it, polish it, wonder at its veracity, recognize the truth of it, shake my head, tuck it away again for next time.  Am I really so odd?

My children think I am - though in a nice way, I think.  They don't know any other kids who've had to grow up with paintings of naked men and pregnant women all over their houses.  They don't have friends whose mothers go away for retreats where they dance all weekend with a bunch of crazy hippie types (it's a wonderful type of dance called Contact Improvisation - I met many of my dearest friends there, including my husband!  The picture is of me (in purple) and a friend dancing - now does that really look crazy??!  I just think it's FUN!).  Most of their friends' parents have "normal" jobs and take normal vacations and have regular art in their houses - framed prints of VanGogh or Wyeth.

It's a little bit uncomfortable sometimes that people perceive me as "different", but mostly I don't mind it.  I have a student whom I tutor who has gotten to know me more personally than most of the kids do.  She'll find out a tidbit about me and shake her head and say, "Ms. Singer, you're the most interesting person I've ever met!"  I'm glad I can broaden her horizons!  I guess I am a bit outside of the bell curve of normal, but I don't think I can do anything about it.  It's who I am.  I would suffocate if I had to try to fit into a mold of societal expectations.  I grew up trying to be "nice" and "perfect".  I performed well and did what was expected of me, but once I got out of the house, I started shifting and grew in new directions that felt better to me.  My plan for the rest of my life is to continue to follow the still small voice within, trying to discern what my inner spirit would have me do in order to express myself most authentically.  Life is too short to try to do anything else!!

Getting out there...

One week, three rejections!


As I've mentioned before, I've been sending out many, many, many applications for shows, contests, galleries, etc.  After the first round, I received 3 immediate acceptances and was thrilled!  They were for radius 250 at Artspace here in Richmond and 2 national shows in Fredericksburg, VA.  I won 2nd prize at one of the F'burg shows.  Those were thrilling!


I got more ambitious and sent work in to Artist's Magazine and Utrecht's, both of which have national competitions for all the readers of their magazines/customers of their art supplies.  No word back = no thanks.  Darn!


I also applied to a couple of shows nationally, one in Charleston, REDUX.  They got 364 applications for 2 shows.  I wasn't one of the ones they chose.  The other was Second Street Gallery in Charlottesville.  They also had a huge number of applications for very few shows.  I put myself out there.  It'll pay off - I won't get any shows if I don't try - but it is a bit discouraging to get these letters!


I have applied to several galleries here in town lately as well.  One gallery owner liked my work a lot but said she doesn't show nudes.  She likes them a lot but feels that they are somewhat invasive so doesn't show them in her gallery, though she owns some herself.  Another owner liked my work very much, loved my energy, loves my message but doesn't want to show my work at his gallery.  He said the work is a bit too challenging.  I asked what he meant by that - it's so helpful for me to hear what gallery owners think.  He wrote back: "The challenge to your work is that it commands the viewer to get past their first impression and art buyers seldom do that. Art connoisseurs will get it and love what you do but there's a smaller segment of our market buyers that we feel will get it. Does that make sense?"  


I'm intrigued by the distinction between art buyers and art connoisseurs.  I've been thinking about it a lot since I got his note.  I can see that Richmond might be a challenging market for my work since the buyers here generally go for landscapes or mild abstracts or still lifes - pieces that match the decor and are lovely to look at.  I get that my work is harder to be with, more "invasive".  I find it beautiful, but then I'm the one making it!


On the positive side, I've gotten several emails out of the blue lately from people who stumbled upon either my blog or website.  They felt moved enough by my work to email me to tell me how much they liked it.  One woman was kind enough to write, "I just got so excited when I saw your work this morning I couldn't help myself. Your colors! the light, the bodies, the beaches ... it's all so ... well, I just connected with it. Somehow, I was just supposed to see it this morning ~ and it made my day."   Thanks, new friend!  You made my day!

Last night I sent out an application for the Extraordinary Women's Luncheon here in Richmond.  4 times/year they choose a woman from the community to honor.  At the luncheon to honor the woman, they give away a poster which has art by a local artist on it.  The artist has the opportunity to talk about her work at the luncheon.  The art is supposed to honor women in some way.  Well, heck!  My work definitely does that!  I sent two pictures for them to consider: The Dancer at 89 and Bling Lady.  I don't know if they want naked women on their poster, but I hope they will!  I think it would be VERY cool!


I'm going to take the next couple of weeks to journal and meditate and try to discern the next steps I should be taking.  I am unclear as to the next right step.  I have asked for guidance and figure it'll be forthcoming since it always is when I ask!  I'll keep you informed when the good news starts flowing in!

This and that, and that and this... Google Analytics

There's a VERY cool program available to people with a Google blog (like this one) - it's called Google Analytics.  It makes available all sorts of fascinating information about how many people visit the site, where they're from, which browser they use, how often they've visited, how recently they last visited, etc., etc.  It's full of graphs and maps and charts and can be manipulated endlessly to provide all kinds of interesting tidbits!

For example:

Since the first of September when I began the blog, there have been 1094 visits to the website from 523 different people.

I have had visitors from 39 countries to the website!  They speak 16 different languages!  These countries include Bahrain, Mauritius, Norway, Serbia, Croatia, Kuwait, Germany, Austria and, of course, the US.

The most have come from the US (875) then Austria (113) then Germany (24).  

The US visitors have come from 39 different states.

4 people have been to the website more than 100 times!  Thank you, thank you, thank you to you 4 very, very loyal readers!  I bow to you in all humility for your interest in my work.  I am touched.

117 people have been to the blog 26-50 times, and another 117 have been 51-100 times.  To you, I also want to express my very deep gratitude and thanks.  It's wonderful knowing you are that interested in what I'm doing. Thank you.

53% of the people are returning visitors.  47% come, look, and don't return.

Most of the visitors to the website are from Virginia (619), and most of those are from the Richmond area.  I get a clear feeling about that when I'm at a social function and someone comes up to me and refers to something I've written about on the blog.  It is always a bit startling to have them mention it - how'd you know that?! - then I remember I wrote about it.  Duh!  I love knowing people are seeing my work evolve.  

So... given all those stats - I have a game I want to play!  There are only 11 states in the US that visitors haven't come from - Nevada, North Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, Louisiana, Mississippi, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Vermont, Iowa, and New Mexico.  If you know anyone from there, would you send them a link to this blog?  I want to see if I can get all 50 states accounted for before the end of the year!

Likewise, if you know people from other countries, will you pass it to them?  37 countries so far...  how many can it be by Dec 31?!

Just a silly notion, but it might be fun!  I'll keep you informed!

Thanks!

Susan

The love in the Universe

It feels like I haven't done any art in a while!  I've been doing my biannual tutoring jag where I tutor 7-10 days in a row, 5-10 hours/day, in all subjects taught at our high school.  It wears me out to have to switch from explaining a semester's worth of Chemistry to a semester's worth of German I to Calculus then on to Spanish or AP US History!  The students have done a great job this year being prepared, though, so it's been easier than usual.  Nevertheless, it's still a lot of brain work!

In addition to that this week, on Monday I walked with my friend Lynda at 6 in the morning then went to sit with a friend who was in hospice care.  Lynda and I had the most wonderful, special walk!  It was foggy and misty and dark, then in the middle of that, she saw a shooting star!  Then I saw one.  It was part of a meteor shower that had started at midnight. We saw 6 or 7 during the course of the walk.  While we were chatting, we also saw the moon rise in the east over the winter-bare trees - a thin sliver just barely there.  I felt so blessed to be there at that time and see those beautiful natural wonders.

After our walk, I went to my friend's house.  She had gone into a coma overnight after a long illness.  I felt blessed to sit with her and simply be with her, holding the space, making sure she was OK.  A couple of hours after I got there, her breathing slowed, then quickened.  Another woman and I moved her a bit to help her get more comfortable then stayed beside her touching her just to be with her.  Her mouth moved a bit.  Her eyes closed a bit.  Again her mouth.  We told her how loved she was and wished her a good journey.  It became clear she had stopped breathing.  We checked for her heartbeat.  It was no longer there.  Quietly, peacefully, beautifully she left this world, and the body that moments before had been alive and still a home for her spirit was no longer needed.

This woman lived such a powerfully good life, so full of kindness and wisdom and love of others.  Her generous spirit will guide those of us who knew her for many years to come.  I am glad that she is no longer burdened by disease, but I will miss her tremendously.

I feel blessed to have been a witness to her passing.  I have been at many births and at several deaths and have experienced each as utterly sacred.  The veil between the worlds lifts, and the room is filled with Spirit.  I felt it so powerfully when my oldest son was born.  I felt the spirit there when I saw my grandmother's body moments after she died.  I also felt her presence in the room, so loving, so completely loving.  That's the sense I get in those moments - that what is on the other side is pure love.

I will probably feel regret about dying because I'll be leaving my loved ones behind and perhaps there will still be things I want to get done, but I don't feel scared at the prospect.  I feel certain that I will be lovingly received by a multitude of angels when I die, just as I have seen happen to my friends who have passed on.

It's good to know, when life feels hard, that there is such love in the Universe.

May you feel it yourself today.
Susan

Progress on new piece, Day V (it feels like 25!)

Here are the pictures from 12/11's day in the studio.  As I mentioned in a previous post, this piece is pretty darn challenging!  But that's OK.  At the same time as I'm working on it, I'm reading a book about the time the Mona Lisa was stolen.  In it, the author quotes many people's rapturous opinions about the painting and why it has come to be one of the most famous pieces of art in the Western world.  It took daVinci 4 years to paint it.  The quotes inspire me to keep working to try to make it sublime.  Knowing it took him 4 years helps me have more patience!  I do feel like it's starting to come together.  The colors are more unified and are blending well.  The values are working.  The dimensionality is working.  I can see plenty of room for improvement, but I'm feeling like I might be on the home stretch - I can believe that it may come to look like my vision of it one of these days.

When I begin a piece, I have a vision in my head of how the piece will look when I'm done.  As I work on it, sometimes it has different ideas than I do, so sometimes we have a dialog - or an active discussion - or even an argument!  Sometimes the piece's will is stronger than mine - as it was in Dancing Woman.  Usually though, my vision and the will of the piece are mostly in harmony.  They blend and become one as I work on the piece.  That happened in Flinging the Red Scarf.  It looks a lot like I planned for it to look, but when I really study it, I can see that it grew and developed as I worked on it, and I like it better than my vision of it.  Cool!

With this new piece, which I still haven't named, I had a vision of it as slightly green in hue.  It has shifted throughout from purple to brown to green and all around the three.  It hasn't quite settled in yet.  That feels like my biggest challenge with this piece overall.  It also depends on what time of day I work on it and whether I use artificial lighting or not as to what color it appears to be.  I have to use Photoshop to get the colors accurate before I post them each day because they appear so very different depending on what time of day I take them!  I've been working early in the day lately.  My studio was built with clerestory windows and an overhang so I don't get direct light coming into the studio ever except right around now.  I didn't notice it last year, but now I see it every day.  It lands directly on my canvas at 10 AM and makes it so I can't even paint on it because the light is so strong!  I have to move the canvas and my palette until about 12:30!  It's the strangest thing!  It simply wasn't an issue in the summer/spring.  When Adele and I were painting the other day, the sun was moving across the sky the whole time and completely changing the lighting on the still life constantly.  Tricky!

1. 1:12 PM - At this stage, I had already glazed the hands and arms with a greener hue and worked on getting the arm more refined.  This is certainly still in process!

2. 3:07 PM  I added the hue to the legs to unify them.  The color is looking better to me, but splotchy, not integrated yet.  I'm liking the left food a lot.

3. 4:16 PM - time to stop to go take a walk, but I didn't want to quit!  That's usually how it is by then - I really get on a roll by the time it's time to quit.

I worked on the face more, starting to make it look real.  I also gave the legs more definition.  When I look at them here, the bottom leg looks a little bit strange, like a beautiful piece of ceramics with lovely curves - but not like a let!  I'll have to work on that yet.  Could be I got too carried away with light and dark (which create form).  The face isn't looking like my model yet, but it's a good start.  Trouble with the arm by the elbow.  It looks weird too.  Photographs are a really good tool to help me see where things are still off.  I can look at the canvas for hours without seeing the issues, but seeing it here on the screen, especially a day later, makes the issues crystal clear!  I'm feeling very brave for posting them for all the world to see!  The process isn't necessarily pretty!

I won't be able to paint again until Tuesday morning, I don't think.  A friend of mine is in hospice care so I'll be sitting with her Monday morning, and tomorrow is Meeting then tutoring all day - til 9 PM.  I had a migraine today which hasn't gone away yet - it was hell tutoring Spanish, German, and physical science with my brains screaming at me to let them out of my head all day.  I hope they get what they need tonight and feel much better tomorrow.  This is very painful!

Off to Sleepyland to try to help it!

Disappointing Day, darn it!

Yesterday was disappointing for me.

First of all, the piece I'm working on is TOUGH!  So many hands and feet - but I think I've said that before!  Yesterday I spent the time working on coordinating the color and smoothing the skin and bringing the face up to the same level as the rest of it. I also worked on her hair - my favorite part.  It's so fun to loosely do the strokes that represent hair!  (I'll post pictures later - I'm at a different computer right now and don't have access to the photos.)

In the middle of painting, I went to get the mail and saw I'd received an envelope from a gallery I'd applied to - a LARGE envelope.  Unlike with college applications, LARGE doesn't mean good with galleries - instead it means they're returning your submissions including CD, so it means they're not keeping them, which means they're not keeping YOU!  I felt very disappointed because I'd thought I had a very good chance with that gallery.  I was also turned down by a gallery in town this week.  The owner was very nice about it, said he liked my work, likes my energy, but feels like it might challenge the audience so they don't feel comfortable taking it on right now.

I know rejections are part of the process.  I know I can't get anywhere if I don't put myself out there.  I know I'm trying to get in to harder galleries than I've tried before.  And that doesn't make it any easier to be told no. I'm such a stubborn cuss!  I really don't like to be told no.  I guess the good thing about that is that these rejections will make me work that much harder to find an even better gallery just to prove that I can!

So - if you, dear reader, happen to know of a gallery somewhere in your town or city or any other town or city in the world which you think might want to show an exciting, avant gard, edgy show of beautiful naked women, please send me the name of that gallery, and I'll get in touch! 

I know the right shows are out there.  I just haven't found the right location yet.  I can feel it, almost here, but not quite yet.  So tantalizing!

I'm looking forward to hearing your suggestions!

Thanks a bunch!
Susan

Progress on new piece, Day IV

9:08 AM - the state I'd left it in on Friday.

2:36 PM - a hour or so after Adele left.  I first thought about what direction I wanted the color to go in.  Then hands are still purpler than the rest of the body, so I have to bring them closer together.  I did that by beginning to work on the legs, adding some green, some purple, trying to get the form to look realistic.  Also, since the canvas was mostly dry, I could go into the shadows and make them darker.  That was the very first thing I did - work on darkening her breasts and belly as well as the chair parts.  The front left leg of the chair is the wrong size.  I'll have to fix that when I re-do the background.

4:09 PM - LOTS of work on the legs creating volume and warmth and tones and shadows.  I like the shadow her knee is throwing on her right foot.  I'm also liking the legs a lot.  The colors are working better together, though I don't feel close to done yet!

4:41 PM - refining the feet, the toes, the legs, creating highlights on the legs.  It's taking more layers of white than I expected it to to make that happen!

5:01 PM - my friend Lynda called to see about our walk (we go for a walk every Monday if at all possible).  I told her I needed a few minutes to take care of the paint I'd just smeared on the canvas because I couldn't leave it like that!  In a quick 3-4 minutes I smoothed out the shadow on the arm, added paint to the hair, refined her upper left arm and wished I didn't have to go ( and was really glad to get the exercise after holding myself tense to paint all day!)

5:04 PM - the last few strokes added highlights to the legs, smoothed the arms more.  Next time I'll work on her arms in detail then will move on to the face.  The last thing I imagine I'll do is re-paint the background to refine the edges and to get rid of the "halo" around the bottom and foot where I had to correct the shapes a while ago.

As I look at the piece now, it looks so monochromatic!  It looks like I use Burnt Umber, Burnt Sienna, and white in varying proportions to get my flesh tones, but nothing could be further from the truth!  I do use those, but here's a picture of part of my palette.  There's Cad Yellow Medium, Veridian Green, Dioxinine Purple, Copper, some other green whose name is alluding me, Quinacridone Magenta, Cad Red, and saeveral other colors.  I am trying to have the colors be as complex as they would be in real life and that takes lots of layers and color combinations.  So far I think I have 10 or so layers on the legs, more on the hands and feet.  This is a much more complex piece than I had realized!  But a very good one!  I'm learning a lot from all the challenges.

Collaboration with Adele Castillo

This morning my friend Adele Castillo came over to the studio to play/paint together.  She arrived carrying enough art supplies to keep us working for about 3 weeks!  In addition, she had an eggplant, a squash, many green and red tomatoes, a cantaloupe, etc.!  I had bowls, cloth, glasses, a tall wine bottle and some fruit and veggies of my own.  We spent about an hour trying to set up a still life that we both liked - and that would stay put!  We kept trying to put round bottoms on rounded tops - not very stable, but we liked how it looked!

 Can you tell from looking at these pictures that we both love color?  The still life was way too massive to attempt in one sitting, but it definitely gave us a lot to think about and choose from.

What we did was I began drawing my choice in pastel and Adele began painting hers in acrylic.  After a few minutes, Adele told me to quite what I was doing and start another one - I'd gotten too far in it compared to where she was.  After she'd worked on hers for 1/2 hour or so, we switched pieces and places.  We gave each other permission to do whatever we wanted to with the piece, as if it were our own.  It's a great exercise in letting go!  I find when I work on a piece, I often begin to get attached to it.  From that point on, I'm loathe to do anything that might "mess it up."  That can be the kiss of death because sometimes the coolest stuff happens from "mess ups."  I think that's then the Universe if giving me a shove in another direction I wouldn't have thought of on my own.

When Adele and I work together (this is our second time), we are each other's pushes in other directions.  Here's the first piece I started on, then she worked on:   (I don't have a picture of it when only I had worked on it).

And here's the second piece we did together.  Again, I started this one, then she worked on it, but this time I went back into it again.  The first picture is after she worked on it. The second is after I'd gone back into it.  I love the color Adele put in the piece, especially the pomegranate.  She did the bowl masterfully, capturing the reflections really well! When I went back into it, I tried to turn the yellow in the background into the strainer it was.  I also added the cantaloupe behind the grapefruit.  I also added an orange.  I got rid of the strainer because it looked awful, and we both agreed the yellow was too strong a color for the background.  I turned it blue at Adele's suggestion, but I didn't like that, so I made it red.  I like that better.  Other than that, I refined the shapes and got rid of the orange and stuff like that.  Fun piece!

Here's the picture Adele started, then I worked on, then she went back into.  She applied lots of great colors and got the drawing accurate then I went in and refined the shapes and developed some shadows.  In the second picture, Adele changed the background a lot - we both decided the red wasn't working as it was.  Then she enlarged the cantaloupe so it wasn't quite as completely in the middle of the canvas.  She also moved the green tomato so the composition was different.  I haven't worked in acrylics very much so it was interesting to see how they work.  It seemed easy to go over something and cover it completely.  She had a product called Open Acrylics which have a longer drying time so they weren't typical acrylics like she was used to working with.

It's very fun working with someone else and seeing how they paint and playing off their beginnings.  It keeps me out of a rut.  I don't know if it transfers to the paintings I'm doing, but I'm guessing it does.  Play is always good and creativity-inducing!

Article about body image on Jezebel

My daughter is so awesome!  Whenever she finds an article she thinks I'll like, she emails it to me.  The one today is particular interesting.  It's from a site called Jezebel and is all about body image.  A young woman has taken a photo of herself then written loving words on it.  I love it that people are addressing the issue of body hatred so directly.  It's so painful to hear about.


http://jezebel.com/5420864/loving-and-hating-your-body-dietblog-style

Yesterday, Friday, was a long day in the studio, but not very focused a lot of the day.  Sometimes I need to build up a longing to be painting, and if I'm not feeling that, I tend to be a bit resistant.  I won't have much time to paint the next two weeks since I'll be tutoring for exams though, so I knew it was important to get out there and work!  I told Chris I'll need a new canvas in the next week or so, so I'm planning to get this one finished and a new one begun before the end of the year, despite Christmas jollies.

That said, this piece is actually quite difficult to paint.  I hadn't realized it would be so difficult, but doing two hands and two feet is pretty hard.  I've also had some trouble deciding what color to go with - more purple or green.  I've decided on going towards green, so now I have to re-tint the hands - not as easy as putting a filter over it or sliding a bar like you can do in Photoshop!

Here's my progress for Friday:

1. 11:27 AM - I felt like I had to cover all the yellow with paint this morning.  It was simply too distracting to have all that bold color showing through when I was trying to do the subtleties of color.  Problem was, I was trying to go towards green in my color, so the parts I'd done before are now way off color.  More opportunities to refine those parts!  You can see that the upper torso is the last part I did and is the least well-finished.  I enjoyed working on her thigh and getting the subtleties of her flesh there.

2. 2:20 PM - I put some preliminary color on the face and sketched in the features.  I've begun adding color to her hair.  I also modified the color in her hands and feet and lower leg.  Also worked on her thigh more.

3. 3:38 PM - The bulk of the work was on the lower leg and trying to help the colors coordinate more.  I also darkened her upper torso and started trying to make that work.  Her right foot is in better color harmony.  The shadows are starting to work.  In this close up of her knee, you can see how many colors are in it.  They aren't blended well yet, but it'll give you a better sense of  how many layers are necessary and how many sections there are in a knee.  Who knew??!

4. 5:05 PM - I refined the color in the chair, darkening it  and adding highlights.  I also worked more on the color in the hands.  I can't tell from this photo, but I also darkened the upper torso to help it begin to have some depth.

5. 5:15 PM - just as I was getting ready to close up shop for the evening so I could get ready to go out, my younger son came out to the studio to get me to take some photos of him for a scholarship application.  He took a picture of me painting.  It certainly isn't a flattering picture of me, but it gives you a sense of my studio set up.  I have another table to the left where I put the palette when I'm working on that side of the painting.

Yesterday evening we went to a party celebrating the marriage of some friends of ours.  It was quite wonderful!  One thing I enjoyed a lot was meeting some new people - friends of friends are such often amazing people to get to know!  A lovely coincidence was having the chance to meet Slash Coleman with whom I've been friends on Facebook for a while.  I saw him out of the corner of my eye talking to someone else.  I did a double take and thought it must be him so a bit later I went up and asked.  I said, "Slash?"  He looked at me and recognition dawned in his eyes.  I said, "Susan Singer."  "Susan Singer!  Hi!"  We hugged each other and laughed at the recognition and fondness we felt after our email exchanges and the oddness of meeting in person after being somewhat acquainted but only through cyberspace. Immediately I explained to the other people at the table (who were looking at us with curiosity) that we knew each other from Facebook but hadn't met before...   Facebook is a strange phenomenon, but I think I like it!  We ended up talking for quite a while, sharing ideas about art and creating and following ones passion.  It was wonderful!

The night before, Chris and I had gone to Ashland Coffee and Tea to hear BJ Kocen and the Gobstoppers.  BJ is someone else I'd friended on Facebook then met in person a few days before.  It is so interesting to get a sense of people on Facebook then to see them and talk to them in person!  I loved the music his band played.  He has a great stage persona - really friendly and informal - and the songs were mostly ones I knew and liked.  It was the first time I'd been to hear live music in a setting like that.  It won't be the last!  Such a great evening!

Next studio day will probably be Monday when I'll be painting with a friend, Adele.  She and I will each start a painting then switch to working on each other's.  It's a great way to mix things up and get looser.  I really admire Adele's work and love talking to her, so it promises to be a lot of fun!  In the afternoon I'll most likely get back to work on my other piece.

In the meantime, today is my older son's birthday - 23 years old! - and we'll be doing the family celebration tomorrow.  Can't imagine why he didn't want to celebrate with his family today!

more about Pistachio Woman

I wanted to leave the previous post alone because I think the poem is so powerful.  It was written by the model in the pastel drawing above.  She is a long time friend who has modeled for me many, many times.  She has also photographed me several times.  She is my muse in many ways, and I am completely grateful for her in my life.

For this picture, I'd asked her to come model for me just for fun way back in 2003, I think it was.  She came with props including a bag of pistachio shells.  She lay down on the blue sheet I had on the radiantly-heated floor and poured the shells all over herself.  What a great image!  She is incredibly creative.

I included the drawing in Scar Series because she has stretch marks on her belly from giving birth.  She is quite petite but had a 10 pound baby and another one whose weight I can't remember.  She earned every one of those stretch marks!

Since 2003, this model has gone on to become a poet of national renown, so I feel very honored to have one of her poems written about this piece.  Em Ennar is a pen name, by the way, so you won't find it if you Google it.

I am so blessed by all the generous people in my life who have modeled for me and made my artwork possible.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

Pistachio Woman - poem and image

Pistachio Woman

acrylic and pastel

  

a stretch mark, different from a wound or bruise, is about possibility and
endurance.

if she's the type who looks in the mirror, a woman with stretch marks
cannot ever pretend she's not a mother. 

a woman with stretch marks knows
--because it's on her body and in her skin--
what it is to exceed what is possible
and what it is to endure what is unbearable

..the thing about a stretch mark is
even though the skin pulls itself apart into layers when it cannot really
hold the tension

at least it doesn't rupture.

the marks aren't really scars, made from breaks and rips in skin; they are
not incisions, cuts, or something that shows what's been forever rent
apart and put together

instead they remind me of

anything that was too much
too much
too much

but not too much to be borne.


Em Ennar

I made it into the studio today after all

Wouldn'tcha know it?  This morning I woke up and couldn't WAIT to get into the studio to paint!  Yesterday I had the whole afternoon available and could barely force myself to stay in there.  I'm so contrary sometimes!  I only had til 10 to paint this AM since I had to go to work, so I focused on just the hands.  I noticed this evening that they got too purple, but I think the form is much better as is the contrast.  They look more accurate as hands.  After I complained to a friend how difficult the hands were to paint, she said, mocking what she figured I would say from now on, "OK, you can model for me, but no hands, no feet, no joints!"  They are certainly the hard parts to paint.  If you look carefully at the hands, consider how many individual passages there are to paint, how many lines, shadows, indentations, furrows, mounds, knuckles, fingernails.  When I get in close and try to nail it, it's like painting an abstract painting, trying to make sense of the most illogical parts.  For example, consider the picture here.  That's part of her hand.  I know exactly what part since I've painted it, but can you tell?  It really does get abstract at this level.

I can well understand how Chuck Close began doing his huge paintings that are just colors within a grid. (This image is one of his.)  Within each square is an abstract pattern or sometimes just a color, but together they create a cohesive whole.  The pieces are generally 6' or larger.  The Virginia Museum owns one if you're ever there and get a chance to see it.  He considers value (light vs dark) even more than color when he is painting the squares.  I've found that if the value is right, then the rest of it reads accurately even if the color is bizarre.  Here's something he wrote which relates to what I'm talking about with just painting values and furrows, etc.:

Artists...see both the device that
makes the illusion and the illusion
itself. I'm as interested in the
distribution of marks on a flat
surface...as I am with the thing
that ultimately gets depicted...
[It's] shifting from one to the
other that really interests me."
Chuck Close

Tomorrow I don't tutor until 11:30.  Maybe I'll make it into the studio again.  Such a treat!

Progress on new piece, Day II

(Sorry about the horrible formatting on this post.  I tried to fix whatever Google is doing to it, but finally am giving up  - it won!  Hope you can enjoy it anyway!)

I finally got into the studio around 12:30 today.  I didn't feel driven to work in there today and wasn't very focused while I was painting.  I listened to podcasts on my iPod - always a sign I'm less focused - and took breaks, but, still, I made some progress.  Here are the pics:

1.  1:49 PM First thing I did today was start applying paint to her legs.  I kept getting quite frustrated and finally realized I didn't have  the right colors mixed up, so I took some time to create a new palette.  Then I could work with greater ease.  I was also using a large brush out of hogshair  and needed to switch to smaller ones that held the paint better, like sables.

2. 3:22 PM - After a little snack and after mixing paint, I applied the better color to her thigh and refined the paint on her knee, let and foot.  Tricky passages!

3. 4:22 -I was having a heck of a hard time with her foot so I finally went in the house and printed out a larger picture of it so I could see what I was doing.  It's difficult painting something 10 inches large when my photo of it is only 1".  I just can't see the details I need to!  Here are the pictures I used to paint her foot and hands better as well as a close up the foot as it is right now.  It still needs some work, but it's getting there.

I'll probably get back into the studio Friday.  Tutoring Tues - Thursday as usual.  Also a pleasure!

Fruits and Veggies show at Central Library in Chesterfield

I didn't get out to the studio today until after noon because I had to go to Central Library in Chesterfield to hang a show there.  No worries - I didn't hang any nudes in the library!  They wanted a show of my fruits and veggies.  I re-read the artist statement I'd written for a similar show in Petersburg but realized it was too risque for a public place with kids, so I toned it down a bit.  I was surprised at myself for writing it - it's full of double entendres, but I do remember deciding to go for it - what the heck!  I kinda like the sauciness of it!  Here is is with a couple of fruit pictures:

Dear Viewer,

What could be sexier than fruits and vegetables?  They’re round. They’re voluptuous.  They have beautiful colors.  And they taste great raw.  What more can you ask?  So this summer when I decided to draw a series of fruits and vegetables from Ukrops and the William Byrd Farmer’s Market, I had a real sweet time.  Everyday a new treat would await me patiently on my drawing table, giving me its “come hither” glance, daring me to fondle it with my pastels, acting spoiled and oozing its juices over the table if I waited too long.  I learned to come when called and to sit myself right down when Nature hearkened. 

Ah, the energy!  Oh, the form!  Ach, what colors!  Allowing themselves to be created anew by my delighted fingers in two dimensions.  Lucky they were to have their youths immortalized thus since they usually became too dusty and old to be of further service after their time in the limelight. 

 And now I present them for you, framed and matted by my loving husband - he, too, a part of the passion.  Walnut and maple and acid free mats give new glory to farmers’ markets’ supplies.  May you experience the passion yourself – the color, the form, the beauty – each time you gaze upon the bold ripeness or subtle undulations of form, my gift to you.

Passionately yours,

Susan Singer

September 2007

The show will hang at the library until Jan 4, 2010, so if you're interested, check it out!  

One model's experience

One of my recent models wrote me an email about what it was like to model for me.  She kindly gave me permission to share it on my blog.  I think it will lend even more insight into the process of modeling and how it can be - or at least was for one person!

The picture is a rather prosaic one of the wall in my studio where I do the photography.  On the left is the bathroom.  On the right is my office/storage space with m ladder and red chair in front of it.  (I use the ladder to reach the loft where I store my paintings and blank canvases until I need them.)  The tables are for my students when I hold classes in here.

Enjoy!



On my way to model for you, I put on one of my favorite CDs by a friend of mine. I listened to his songs, and let the peace of his voice and words and the friendship and love we share, fill me. I’d also called one of my dearest friends before getting into my car. With the two of them 'beside' me, I felt courageous and calm.


Your studio felt peaceful to me. I love the way it's tucked into the forest like that, and how you initially left the blinds open for me to 'feel' the trees around us before we started. We were in our own little island there together. I curled up in your red chair, and you let me talk. I blathered at first, letting words spill out. Those of course were my nerves, but also I tend to use words to share about myself and feel closer to people that way. Thank you for allowing me that time to get a bit more comfortable.


When it was time to start, I very much noticed the lack of a mirror in your studio. You said that this was on purpose, but it seemed almost incomprehensible to me. Hmm, that could indicate all kinds of things about me.. and about you. How could I model for you without knowing whether my hair was messed up, or my face was too shiny? Am I that vain (or self-conscious)? The good news was that I easily ditched those feelings and moved on.


I had no idea what to do once I stood in front of the lights. I didn't feel horrifically embarrassed, as I'd anticipated I might; I felt more hesitant. Thank goodness for the perfect suggestion of having music! My body flows, moves, dances to music - almost without conscious thought. The selection you made was exquisite... a flowing melodic piece with a good beat. I have no memory of what the music was, exactly; it simply was 'me' for awhile. And I began to melt into it, as all other thoughts disappeared.

I felt so free as I moved to the music. I let go of any remaining shyness, and I danced. I swayed, I moved, I arched. I let the music take me someplace lovely and peaceful. I felt beautiful and loved and loving. Soft, graceful, energized and lithe. You photographed the essence of me, not just my skin and hair. I moved and swirled and was totally myself. I remember at one point you said something like "I should be telling you how beautiful you look, but I'm having too much fun photographing you." I loved that comment, thank you.

I have no idea how long we played like that. At one point I felt like a nymph, a goddess, something wispy and light. I played with the tulle fabric for awhile, but realized that I didn't need it (I'd originally imagined that I would feel more comfortable with it covering me some). It simply became my dance partner for a bit, left to gently pool at my feet when I swirled some more. I finally stopped when I actually started to feel tired!


When we sat down, I was amazed that you had so many photos. I wasn't sure what my reaction would be to seeing photos of myself in the nude, and I was pleasantly surprised. I found myself looking at the photos as 'art', and was thrilled to see the way the light and shadows played on my skin. Some looked like classic paintings to me already! Of course there were plenty of less flattering shots too, but I was delighted to see that some of them were stunning. I had no idea that my less-than-perfect body could look so good.


I felt happy and pleased, and pretty darn proud of myself when I left your studio. I had been so intrigued with the idea of modeling for you, and now I'd finally done it. No need to wonder about it anymore! I am quietly thrilled at the idea of seeing myself become art with the exquisite skill of your hands & eyes. And your heart. Thank you so much!

Artist of the Week

I was exceedingly honored this week to be named Artist of the Week in Slash Coleman's Facebook group, "Manifest Your Creative Destiny".  Here's more:

 

Slashtipher Coleman Congratulations
Susan! You’re our Artist of the week in our Facebook group "Manifest Your
Creative Destiny" (http://bit.ly/rISx2) Thanks for inspiring us with your
creative dreams, your incredible paintings and your fantastic blog.

bit.ly

bit.ly

 

Moment by moment progress of a painting

When I was at an opening last week, someone asked me how long it took to paint the painting I had on display. I was a little bit stymied to answer her.  First of all, I couldn't really remember how long it had taken.  Secondly, I found myself curious about why she wanted to know.  I told her I wasn't sure, but she could look at my blog and see it happening if she was really interested.  I thought it took about 2 weeks.  She nodded and said, "Oh, that's good."  I wish like heck I had asked her what she meant!  I've been puzzling over it ever since!  Is it good that it ONLY took two weeks?  Or good that it took a full two weeks?  Or did 2 weeks make it seem like it was then worth the purchase price?  What was there about the time it took to approve of?

I was particularly curious about this exchange because I had recently read an article by someone who took offense at being asked that particular question.  He said he would answer it by reeling off the years he'd gone to school to be an artist then the years he has worked as an artist then the particular time it took to set up and paint that painting, then the time it took to market it.  I found that answer a bit defensive (albeit truthful), so I tried not to respond like that.  I just wish I'd had the presence of mind to find out why she wanted to know!

In case you're wondering the answer to that very hot question, now that I've told you all about it...  I will give you a blow-by-blow sequence of the piece I'm working on currently.  I photographed this model several months ago and have already done one painting of her - Woman in a Chair. It's hanging at Crossroads Art Center where it won 2nd prize.  This picture has a similar feel, but I decided to do it anyway because I love the model's expression and the beauty of the light on it.

1.  9:31 AM - I decided to do something I haven't done before in starting this piece.  The whole picture has a purple/green undertone to it.  I want it to be more complex than just putting purple, green, and brown paint, so I decided to do an underpainting in glowing yellow and quinacridone red.  This is right after I painted those colors on.

2. 9:43 AM - I used a paper towel to smooth the brush strokes and make them a bit more exacting.

3. 11:07AM  - I had to mix up the paint for the canvas before I could begin with the final colors.  That process usually takes about an hour.  Then I painted in the shadow and covered the background with paint.  The areas between the bars on the back of the chair are too light, and I don't like the darker color of the shadow.  I'll work later to unify that color better and to darken the spots between the chair back.

4. 11:19 AM - I darkened the areas between the bars of the chair back.  In that brief time, the light moved such that it fell across the canvas.  It was very beautiful, but distracting as heck!  Most of the year, the light doesn't come in from the south because of the overhang, but the architect designed the building so that it could come in during the winter so I could have more light and more warmth.  I'm not usually in the studio at this time, so I'd never experienced it like this before.  I love learning more and more about this beautiful building!

I decided to take a break for lunch to let the light move away.

5.  1:22 PM - After lunch I decided to tackle the dark parts, so I painted the chair and the part of her body which is in extreme shadow.  In the photo I'm primarily using, I can't really see any distinction between the dark parts, so I printed out a copy that is much lighter so I can make some distinctions so the forms look better.  I also worked to unify the shadow more.

6. 2:38 PM - Foot, leg, more breast.  I swear, feet and hands are SO hard!  I am aware that portrait artists charge more for portraits when hands are involved - probably for feet too.  They are so individual, so unique, so complex.  You can't imagine how many lines and curves and patches of different colors are on this one foot!  Plus she's wearing toenail polish so I had to match that color too!  The close up is not the most finished shot of it, but it'll give you more of a feel for the complexity of it.

7. 4:32 PM - After working on the feet for a while and starting on the hands, I took a break for a few minutes then realized how gorgeous it was outside, so I helped Chris blow leaves with his brand new leaf blower!  Good tools are so much fun!  After an hour of that, I was ready to paint again.  I had definitely needed a break though - my back was hurting and my mind was wandering.  I was feeling tired AND weary.  Not a good combination.  Here's what the hands were looking like at this stage.  Her right hand was starting to look half way decent, but I was definitely struggling with the left.  Ugh!  That's when a break is a GREAT idea!

8. 5:26 PM - I worked on the hands a lot more and got the left one looking somewhat better.  It'll be easier to continue it tomorrow when this layer is mostly dry.  Then I'll be able to get it to do what I want it to do better.

It's been interesting working on this canvas with the bold yellow paint all over it.  I don't particularly like the purple opaque next to it.  I know I'll like it when the whole canvas is covered, and I think I'll like the glow the yellow will cause, but it is distracting to paint with the yellow next to the colors.  I'm curious to see if I'll chose to do this again next time.

So that's the process so far.  She is slowly but surely appearing out of the canvas, semi-complete, though once the whole canvas is covered, I'll do lots of revisions to make things look better and more cohesive.  I'd like to be able to cover the whole canvas at once, but this image is simply too large to work that way.  I do that when it's smaller, but this one is 40"x60".

Stay tuned for further progress!  Hopefully I'll have a good stretch of time to paint tomorrow!  Hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving

Feeling a little bit blue today.  I'll be cooking a ham, mashed potatoes and broccoli casserole later today for my sons and husband.  Small dinner for just the four of us.  I'm missing my daughter and extended family.  We had breakfast with my stepson.  I'm working on drawing a new picture on a large, 60"x40", canvas, but my heart isn't in it.  It's so strange to be at home, mostly alone on Thanksgiving.  I've spent Thanksgiving Day entirely alone before, by choice, before I was re-married.  I gave myself a lot of love that day and wrote letters of gratitude to all my friends.  It was a lovely day.  Being home with family here but with them preoccupied is a different matter.  It leaves me feeling lonely, even though most days I'd be perfectly happy and content to be in the studio with nothing I had to do.  It's odd what expectations add to/subtract from a day.  Disappointment looms when it could otherwise be a perfectly wonderful day.

Tomorrow will be brighter, I'm sure.  All the holiday expectations will be gone, and I'll just get on with it, happy as a clam to be painting all day.

(And, no, it's not snowing today, but I wanted to give a sense of our home, and these are the only pics I have of it lately - March 2009.)

Affirmations for the Coming Year

I just turned 50 a couple of weeks ago.  My husband asked me casually what my goals are for the coming year.  Equally casually I told him I intend to do the following:

~ Line up 3 shows in University Museums

~ Sell at least 5 major works

~ Have an article about me written and published in a national magazine.

And then there is the affirmation Chris and I are saying 3-6 times daily:

The goal is for Chris to make $100,000 in a job that brings him great joy and satisfaction and balance.  That job will enable Susan to do her art full time which will bring her great joy and satisfaction and balance as well.  In addition, this situation will enhance and strengthen Susan and Chris's marriage exponentially and bring them and their children great joy and satisfaction and balance!

To be put in place by June 2010.

The second I said the three birthday affirmations and as soon as Chris and I wrote down our affirmation, I knew they were important to hang on to and affirm.  So I'm putting them out here to share with you so you can envision my work hanging in university museums and selling like crazy.  And you can know you'll be reading about my work soon in a national publication!  And you'll see Chris in a great job that he loves earning plenty of money so I can easefully leave my tutoring job and begin focusing on art full time.

I am a strong believer in affirmations.  I know they work.  It's how I live my life.  I'm excited about these.  Sometimes all it takes is the creativity to envision something wonderful happening for it to be set into motion.  Most of you have probably heard the quote which is attributed to Goethe but which is actually from the book The Scottish Himalayan Expedition by William Hutchinson Murray (1951):

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

I'm giggly and excited to see what the Universe puts in motion to make these affirmations come true.  It's so much fun to remember to notice what happens step by fun step to make affirmations be realized.  I'll try to remember to mention the serendipities that occur each day as I become aware of them.  I know that the gift each model has given me by posing for me is a fabulous step towards reaching these goals.  I'm so grateful!

I want my message about women loving their bodies and themselves to be heard by everyone and for us all to love who we are unconditionally.  The planet will be a completely different place when that is the case.

A most extraordinary modeling experience

Yesterday the model for Bling Lady, L., came to see her piece and brought her sister and neice with her.  L had emailed me that she had teased them that they would all be modeling for me as well.  I wrote her back that I would be fine with that.  One thing led to another, and they actually came over here expecting to model.  The neice said she'd told L. she had to feed her a breakfast of mimosas for it to happen!  That didn't happen, apparently, but despite that, they were ready to model - though giggly-nervous and unsure about it.

I'd never worked with three people at a time before, so I didn't have any expectations or vision of how it might work.  I needn't have worried!  These women are so incredibly full of life!  We spent the whole time laughing and goofing off (and, by the way, getting some amazing pictures)!

They laughed a lot and joked about what they were doing and whether to tell their husband/dad and stuff like that.  It took a little bit of time for them to get comfortable posing, though I noticed that they were completely comfortable with each other, naked or not.  Mother-daughter and sister-sister relationships can be so fraught with tension and things unsaid and judgments and all that crap.  I didn't see one iota of that present here.  All I saw was comfort and love and pleasure in each other's company.  I felt so happy being with them, I felt like I was being given an incredible gift to witness such ease and joy.

When we looked at the pictures afterwards, they certainly weren't the shots I normally take that are about the graceful curves and shadows and inward awareness.  I love those pictures.  These I love too!  These women are athletes and are so comfortable in their bodies.  The three of them wrapped themselves up in the tulle, hugged each other, grinned like crazy, laughed, posed absurdly, threw a volleyball back and forth, swirled around in scarves.  L. had just competed in the Philadelphia Marathon - at age 65 - she's my hero! - and had placed well in her age group so she posed wearing her medal and running hat and the "potato skin" they put on the runners to keep them warm at the end of the race.  The sister and neice posed holding sports equipment in a way that had all of us laughing for 5 minutes at the ridiculousness of it.  I'm definitely going to paint that one!  BIG!

The other one I plan to paint has the neice sitting in my red chair with her aunt and mom behind her, all of them laughing and doing "show hands", naked.  It's such a goofy picture, so full of good humor and ease and silliness.  I want to paint it absurdly large - 10'x10' perhaps.  I picture it in the next Smithsonian Portrait Competition.

I'm thrilled to have worked with these woman and for their joie de vivre.  Amazing!!

I'm so blessed to have such fantastic models.  Thank you, Universe, for bringing the perfect people to me at the perfect time.  I feel so led in the work I'm doing.  One thing after another happens that is the perfect next step.  Such blessings!

Now whole, not hole

Now Whole, Not Hole

acrylic on paper, pastel on architect's vellum

I was four years old when I had my operation.  I had a hole in my heart, supposedly the size of a dime.  They sewed the hole up, but they had to cut my chest open and bend my ribs back.  Luckily, I was of course on some sort of drug, so I didn't have to feel the pain.  However, the operation left a scar on my chest, which has gradually faded away over the years, but still remains visible.  My Mom has some sort of odd fascination with scars and is in the process of drawing the picture that you are now viewing.

Andrew, 16

Andrew tells the story pretty accurately, if not with scientific details - the day after he was born, Paul (his Dad) and I took him to the pediatrician's for his check up.  The doctor, a kindly old man everyone would want for a pediatrician, said he could hear a heart murmur in Andrew's chest.  He said it very calmly as if it were the most natural thing in the world, so I didn't worry about it.  I asked what we should do about it.  He said we should get it checked out every so often and at some point might want to have it operated on. 

When we moved to Richmond a few weeks later, we found a doctor who also recommended we keep an eye on it and sent us to a pediatric heart specialist, Dr. Bill Moskowitz.  He was wonderfully kind and helpful the 2-3 times we saw him.  In the meantime, I had no idea if this was a big deal or not, and I was having babies and working and doing life with kids.  When Andrew was 4 and Laura was closing in on 2 and I was pregnant with Dylan, we went for the regular check up to Dr. Moskowitz.  He recommended that Andrew have an operation.  I couldn't see how that was necessary - he was fine.  He recommended that we have a sonogram done.  I told him that I wasn't willing to because it would cost us $500 and we didn't have that kind of money to spend on a stupid test.  He asserted that he needed to see the size of the murmur, etc.  By this time I'd begun to realize that "murmur" is another word for "hole."  A hold in my child's heart.  THAT was probably a big deal.  Dr. Moskowitz was so kind.  He told me not to worry about it, and did the sonogram anyway.  He set up a TV for Andrew to watch cartoons while he did a sonogram similar to what they do on pregnant bellies.  He showed me Andrew's heart.  What a miracle.  Then he showed me where there was a hole between the atria of his heart.  ONE INCH BIG.  In a heart the size of a 3-year-old's fist.  That caught my attention.  I asked what sort of problems it would/could cause/was causing.  He said that it was making Andrew have less endurance than normal for his age.  He said further that as Andrew aged, his heart and lungs would have to work much harder to move oxygenated blood in the right direction and that his lungs would develop too much muscle tissue and that his heart would eventually give out, causing him to turn blue and die around age 36.  With the operation, he would be completely healed.  Immediately.

I asked how soon he could operate.  I had had no idea the severity of the problem.  I'm thankful for that really, because I would have treated Andrew differently, probably in ways that would have stunted his growth. 

The operation was on August 30, 1991, the day before Laura turned 2.  She stayed at home with a dear friend, Elisabeth, while Paul, Mom, Dad and I went MCV to wait.  We were with Andrew when they wheeled him into the operating room.  He was cheerful and playful.  There were about 20 people with us in the waiting room and 100's of people praying for us in the various faith communities our family members were part of.  I could feel the love pouring in.  That was the best part of all of this.  So many people gathered to help us, to offer physcial or at least emotional support.  So many prayers were lifted up.  I strongly believe in the miracle of prayer ever since then.  Andrew received so many cards and gifts, it was amazing!  Much better than Christmas and birthday all rolled into one!

Dr. Moskowitz had three heart surgeries that day.  One was on an infant who was unlikely to live.  Another one was quite serious but likely to have a good outcome.  He said that Andrew's was quite simple - "a bread and butter operation."  I told him it might be HIS bread and butter, but it was terrifying to us.  Later when I saw the baby in ICU, I could better understand the severity of its needs.

After a few hours we were called into the ICU where Dr. Moskowitz told us the operation had gone perfectly.  They had cut open his ribs, pried them open, then put him on a heart and lung machine so his heart wouldn't have to pump.  Then they went into the heart and sewed up the hole then sewed up the heart, stapled together his ribs, re-fastened whatever muscles or flesh there was, sewed up the skin, and voila, he was done!  (I don't think that description would pass for a medical training manual, but I'm sure you get the idea!) 

We walked into the ICU.  Andrew was lying on a huge hospital bed, pale, skinny, naked from head to toe with no covering because he kept kicking it off.  He was unconscious and had tubes coming out of most of his orifices - oxygen into his nose, drainage tubes into his chest, IV into his wrist, catheter into his penis, oxygen meter on his finger.  He was strapped down so he wouldn't disturb any of the aparatuses.  My heart cracked in to seeing him lying there so helpless and frail and at the mercy of technology.

He came to and immediately wanted water.  He was parched.  All we could do was give him foam soaked in water to suck on.  It didn't satisfy him at all and he flailed and fussed and whined and complained.   A few hours later he was unhooked from some of the tubes and was told he needed to walk in order to get everything going again.  I was stunned that they made him walk already.  The next morning he was in a regular room.  2 days later he was sent home.  3 days later he was actually RUNNING around the backyard!  Faster than he ever had before.  I had had no idea that he would get out of breath because of his heart murmur.  He used to run 25 yards then say, "I'm so tired!"  I thought he was a bit of a whimp.  Now, though, he had so much energy and was running all around, ready to play anything!  It was a miraculous transformation.  Stunning.  100 years ago he would have led an increasingly sedentary life and would have died a slow death.  Now, instead, in 3 days he was completely healed except for his scar which healed quickly as well.  No repercussions, no nothing.

Today, the operation would be much less grueling.  Now they can insert a tube which has a camera and clamshell clamp into the patient's upper thigh, have it wend its way up to the heart, then use the clamp to close the hole successfully, then come back out with no other interference at all.  Amazing!  I am so thankful for modern medicine.  And for the doctors who have saved the lives of my two sons.  It is humbling to think of all the sadness I would have experienced had it not been for these miraculous operations.

Flinging the Red Scarf, finished

I just realized I don't have a picture of this piece all the way finished yet.  The changed were small but really important so I'll post the final image as soon as I get a chance.  In this image there is a smear of color in the bottom left corner.  I fixed that.  Her fingers are a bit blurry.  Other stuff I notice.  The last day I worked on this piece I put a yellow glaze over the floor and background which gave everything the most satisfying glow.  I also worked on her foot and buttocks and leg and shoe.  The fingers got dramatically better.  I don't think they are changes you can pick up on a picture on the web, but they make me much happier because the whole piece feels more finished now.  I'm very pleased with it.  I love the model's demeanor and gesture!  So fun!!

Choosing a new image to paint

It's been a lovely weekend with lots of creative things going on.  We had some friends over Saturday night and played some goofy, fun games, including having everyone make a hat out of pipe cleaners and other silly supplies.  Very fun!

Today we went to the Craft and Design Show sponsored by the Visual Arts Center of Richmond.  It is one of my favorite things to do each year.  I absolutely love to see beautiful crafts, skillfully done.  They make my heart sing.  I feel like I'm in the pristine air of a beautiful forest high in the mountains with a crystalline creek running rapidly by.  I came home feeling inspired and fed spiritually.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

When I got home I came to the computer to try to choose my next image to paint.  That's not an easy process!  I have a lot of beautiful pictures but none was jumping off the screen in my mind, so I had to go through about 400 pictures to see what captivated me.  I look through the images then open then in Adobe Photoshop so I can crop them and adjust the color (if necessary) and otherwise play with them a bit.  Then I print them out in color then apply a grid over them and print them in B&W so I can draw them on the canvas more accurately.  I have three images I'm excited about right now.  Very different ones.  One is of a new model which is always fun.  I've written emails to each of the models with the photos attached to ask them if they're OK with my painting the pictures of them.  One has a bit of face on it and I want to be especially sure that the model is comfortable with that, though I don't think she's recognizable.  It's her comfort level that is of tantamount importance, not my desire to paint a particular picture, no matter how gorgeous it is!  Once I hear back from them, Chris will make the canvases and I'll get to start!  I have to work Mon and Tue this week so we have a couple of days to make the canvases.  Wed - Mon I have off so hopefully I'll get a good start on one by then!  So exciting!!

Good news!

I just found out that I won 2nd prize at Crossroads Art Center here in Richmond for my piece Woman in a Chair (not the one in the red chair that I just finished).  The opening is tonight from 6:30 - 9:30 and is most certainly open to the public!  I'd love to see you there!

Several friends of mine are having shows there tonight as well: 

Adele Castillo will have a display of her work and the work of her students.  The focus is on color.  My sister, Sarah Abernathie, will have some work on display in that show. 

Linda Hollett will have a show with Gary Lou Upton which is about their time in Egypt.  Both artists have spent much time in that fascinating land, and this show will be a display of the work they've done of it.

The link above will take you to the webpage for the gallery to give you more information if you would like to attend the opening or see the work sometime during the next couple of months.

Crossroads is a VERY cool place to check out if you haven't been there before.  There are over 100 artists with booths where they display their work - sort of like an antiques mall.  The work is quite varied, so if you're looking for new art for your home, it's a great place to go.

Garrison Keillor opines about Viewing Pictures of Naked Women

A friend of mine who reads my blog sent me the following article by Garrison Keillor from the Op-Ed page of the NYTimes.  Maybe I should send Keillor a link to my website?!

By GARRISON KEILLOR

Published: November 18, 2009

I was in Chicago with time on my hands and the sweet woman murmured to me — you know how this goes — “Would you like to see the Art Institute?” and I was thinking No No No God No, and I said, “Sure. Fine.” “You wouldn't rather do something else?” she said. “No,” I replied. That’s the correct answer when a woman asks you about art. Yes, absolutely, ma chérie.

What I’d rather do is watch a couple of welterweights whale on each other for 10 rounds or a lanky blonde dance as she peels off her long white gloves and unsnaps her garter, but it’s 10 a.m. on a Tuesday, so into the citadel of art we go.

I’ve been here before. The sweet woman loves galleries and French impressionists and the sunny gardens of Pierre Bonnard. While looking at them, she is likely to say something about color and texture. But I am an American man and color and texture are not my strong suits. And so I staked out my aesthetic at the start. I said, “I see no reason to paint flowers. You can buy fresh flowers. Still lifes are only an exercise. And abstract expressionism is for the lobbies of big insurance companies. The true calling of an artist is to paint women and the greatest challenge is the naked female form. That’s what separates the true artists from the wallpaper-hangers.”

I said this in the room that houses some rather erotic Georgia O’Keeffe flowers and “American Gothic” with its squinty lady, and I spoke on behalf of American men everywhere. At the age of 67, I have stopped apologizing for looking at naked women. I don’t stand directly in front of a nude and stare at her, lest I be taken for a pervert. I stand in front of the painting next to the nude and sneak sidelong glances, but nonetheless I am moved by her. Deeply.

A man gets to say what he likes. In Chicago, the city of the big shoulders, he does. In New York, where men have exquisite thin shoulders and glossy skin tone, they are more into texture. I glanced at a plaque on the gallery wall, something about “his work references as a multifaceted narrative structure that re-contextualizes the ambiguity of alienation and aims at disrupting the viewer’s habits of perception.” Well, pardon me for living, but I am fond of my habits of perception. I stroll past the spatter art and angst-ridden photography and junk sculpture, and when I see a naked woman, my heart leaps up.

Is a man’s heart not supposed to leap? Should it squat instead?

Rubens did big naked porky women who could lie on a man and smother him, and many artists have done pale, cold goddesses, but I want a sweet woman bathing or reclining on a couch, someone I’d like to know. She makes my heart sing.

She reminds me of beautiful naked moments from real life — skinny-dipping in the Mississippi, intertwining underwater on Oahu, sitting in hot water in the big round iron tub on the deck in Utah, the sweet woman lowering herself gingerly into the water, slowly, slowly, as her delicate anatomical parts feel the heat rising — and coming from fundamentalist people in a cold-weather state, nakedness means more to me than to, say, a Southern Unitarian.

We hiked around the Art Institute and didn’t discuss texture. I saw a couple of nude women and other women who looked as if they were thinking about undressing, and then we went back to the hotel and, for some reason that now I forget, we went and sat in a steam room together and admired each other’s multifaceted body and got recontextualized and so on and so forth and that’s what happened to me in Chicago.

What does this have to do with health care reform and America’s enormous indebtedness to what used to be known as Red China before Republicans became reds? Everything.

Politics and policy mean more to those who love life itself. We want government to stave off lawlessness and war and chaos and economic misery so that we can wholeheartedly enjoy the pure goodness of life which, when you come right down to it — and I come right down to it as often as possible — is a naked woman lowering herself into hot water that you yourself are sitting in, waiting.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/19/opinion/19iht-edkeillor.html?_r=1

Tribune Media Services

"I just want to put you in a bubble!"

Wouldn't you think it would be enough for Dylan to have to go through major spinal surgery and having to learn to walk again?!  Then this happened...

It was a few weeks after Christmas, and we were taking down the Christmas tree and putting away the ornaments in the attic.  Dylan was walking by now with one cane, I believe, but mostly he was trying not to use anything.  He was clear about being independent and able to do things himself.  Going with that thought, I asked him to bring me a box of the ornaments and hand it to me in the attic (the door was about chest high so he just needed to hand it up at an angle so I could reach down and get it).  Unfortunately there was stuff on top of the box, including a damned glass paperweight.  As he handed the box up, the paperweight slid down and hit him in the mouth, breaking his tooth.  Naturally he cried, both from pain and shock.  I jumped down out of the attic and went to him to see what had happened.  When I saw that his tooth had broken, I scooped him up and carried him to the bed, crying, "I just want to put you in a bubble!"  I knew at some level that nothing terrible had happened and that he was basically OK.  I broke down in sobs and couldn't stop crying and holding him and rocking him and telling him I wanted to put him in a bubble.  Poor kid!  He told me he was fine and not to worry, he'd be alright.  I tried to explain through my tears that I knew he was OK and would be OK and sorry to cry like that.  I knew I was finally letting out some of the tears I couldn't shed while he was in the hospital and needed to be cared for so tenderly.  My sentiment was real - I wanted so much to protect him - but my emotions were clearly way out of proportion to the event!

Finally I got hold of myself and explained to him what was going on - that I was having feelings about his operation and I knew he'd be OK and I love him so much.  I asked him to try to find the piece of his tooth that fell off so we could take it to the dentist then did all the correct parenting things like call the dentist to make an appointment, throw away the stupid paperweight, then finish putting the boxes away - after making sure Dylan wasn't traumatized by the event - he was more worried about me and my reaction than he was about himself.  Poor kid! 

Here's what Dylan wrote about it a month or two after it happened:

I was putting a box away in the attic that was partly open, and though I didn’t know, had a paperweight on top of it. As I was putting the box up, the paperweight – a glass, heavy paperweight – fell from the box and hit my tooth. At first it was just like, “Whoa, what happened?” Then it was pain and then I realized that a piece of my tooth wasn’t there. Then I was like, “Whoa, ah, ah…!” But then I relaxed a little when my mom started crying, because I had to show that I was a little more relaxed. My mom kept on saying, “I want to put you in a bubble so you won’t get hurt!” That got really annoying. I told her I was fine, then she made me go and finish cleaning the house.

Dylan, 10

Flinging the Red Scarf, Days 3 and 4

Sunday I didn't have the pleasure of working more on Flinging the Red Scarf, but I was able to paint on Saturday, so I've made good progress.  I was able to paint her body Saturday, then today I refined it and re-painted the floor which need some refinement as well.  I'd love to be painting right now, but the light has changed so much from this afternoon that I feel like I can't see well enough to do so.  Darn it!  Hopefully I'll get to it later.  I'm happy with it so far.  I want to lighten up the shadow a little bit so her body stands out more in contrast, and I need to make her upper arm match the skin tones of her leg.  Then I just need to clean up some edges, and I think I'll be done.  It's being a fun piece to do!

Sunday I had a lovely day photographing a new model.  We put on some music and away she went!  Some models like moving to music; others seem to feel more comfortable stiking a pose and holding it while I photograph them.  I love learning about the differences of each person.  I'm looking forward to doing some paintings from this batch of photos - there were some lovely ones!  We'll have to make a new canvas soon!

This coming weekend my son Dylan is going to be in Richard III at his high school.  I'm really looking forward to watching the performance.  Their plays are always excellent, and of course it's an added thrill to see him act in them!

Flinging the Red Scarf, Day 2

I have to go to work today to tutor - quite an unusual thing for me to do on Friday, but since I took Tuesday off to celebrate my birthday, I'll be working today.  But I couldn't bear the thought of giving up a whole studio day, so I managed to get out here early this morning.  I re-worked the background to maket he colors work better then spent the rest oft he time working on the scarf.  Clearly this piece is mostly about the scarf, so it's got to be good!

When painting this morning, I was astonished to find out just how huge a difference the different kind of brushes can make!  I began working with a large Isabey hogs hair bristle brush. I used it to apply the background.  It was perfect for the large strokes as well as for getting doing some detail work since its edge is sharp.  I used it to apply the first layer of paint to the scarf as well.  Then I had details I needed to get to so I started using a Taklon brush from Utrechts.  It was so smooth!  It allowed me to smear on just the right amount of paint and to blend it perfectly.  It gave me so much more control and ability to get the paint to do just what I wanted it to do.  It was wonderful to have the right tool for the right job!

Sunday I hope to get time to paint the body!

This afternoon I'll be taking a couple of pieces to Crossroads Art Center here in Richmond to enter them for their monthly show.  I'll be showing Woman in a Chair and perhaps Beauty with a Veil. I haven't decided on the second one yet, but I'd better figure it out soon!  I have to be at work in 35 minutes and have to change clothes, eat, pack the paintings, and get there!

Have a great day!

Scar Series - My Son's Back

Besides painting and drawing pregnant nudes, naked men, and female nudes, I've also done a series on scars.  

Back in 2002, when my youngest son, Dylan, was 10, he was an intensely skilled athletic young boy who played soccer exceedingly well.  Then one night he quite suddenly began to lose the loss of his legs.  We took him to the emergency room immediately where he was operated on within 8 hours of arrival.  A couple of days after the surgery, he asked me to take a picture of his scar so he could see what it looked like.  The moment I saw the picture, I knew I had to draw it.  For me, art is a way of processing my feelings, and I certainly had myriad feelings about his surgery.  The doctor's first analysis of the situation when he looked at the MRI was that Dylan had cancer and was going to die and they had to operate immediately.  Thank God he was mistaken.  It was a cavernous hemangioma - like a birthmark - in his spine which had started to bleed and had blocked the nerves and begun to cause them to die.  The surgeon was able to cauterize the capillaries so that they stopped bleeding.  It won't happen again and couldn't have been avoided or predicted.  Any of us could have it happen.  Normally when it happens, it's in the brain and causes massive brain damage.  I am so thankful his mind wasn't affected.  I grieve for the loss of his outstanding athletic ability, but am grateful every day that his mind is intact and his spirit is extraordinary.  He has handled it beautifully.  Scar series is a testament to all the people who have had tragedies happen to them and have come out the other side triumphant.

Here's what Dylan wrote about his experience for his college essay this fall:

*******************

The questions have always been inevitable.

“Why are you in a wheelchair?” a fifth grade friend asks tentatively as I roll around the recess area where I was once king. Where I should still be king. “It’s complicated,” I answer evasively. “My legs just stopped working during the summer.” I’m already tired of this question, though I do understand their curiosity. I continue more cheerfully, “But I should be able to move on to crutches soon!”

“Why do you have those crutches?” a fellow fifth grader asks as I lower my safety guard stop sign to let her cross. Why indeed? Doesn’t everyone want to know just that, including me. Why me? I had mapped out my entire future: I was going to be a soccer player (famous of course). Now what will I do? But no, that type of talk will lead nowhere that I want to go. “There was this thing in my back,” I begin, “a cavernous hemangioma, which suddenly began bleeding one night and stopped the flow of nerves to my legs.” Seeing a confused look on her face, I try to clarify. “Basically, I had surgery on my back, and now I’ve got to learn to walk again.”

“Whoa!” a friend exclaims in the ninth grade locker room as we’re changing. “What is that crazy scar on your back from?” This is my favorite question, and you can usually tell my mood based on my response. If I’m somber, you get the regular old story. If I’m hurried or worried, then you get the short, version…something along the lines of, “I had back surgery when I was ten.” However, most of the time I respond with whatever comes to mind. The possibilities are endless. “Actually, I got that at my camp last summer,” I begin ambiguously, mind racing to create today’s story. “You see, I was at Shiloh Quaker Camp. Well, as I’m sure you well know, Quakers eat only oatmeal; that was actually the only food we had while I was there,” I continue, following that much loved Quaker stereotype [Thank you, ©Quaker Oats Company]. “As you might imagine, a diet of exclusively oatmeal provides a breeding ground for temporary insanity. One night, I woke up to find my crazed counselor standing over me and a knife in my back. They have now added chewy bars and oatmeal cookies to the menu. Anyway, that’s how it happened!”

“If you don’t mind my asking, where does your limp come from?” an actress asks me as I relax with my theatre troupe after the performance of our one act play, Degas C’est Moi. She continues, “Sorry if that’s awkward, but I really liked your acting, and I noticed you limping, so I was curious.” It’s hard to find anyone more unperturbed by social boundaries than actors; I guess that’s one reason I love them. “I had this thing in my back when I was younger that stopped my nerves and began to paralyze me from the chest down. They were able to get rid of it, but not without making me limp when I walk.” And messing up my sense of feeling and making it harder to control my bladder, but I leave that out for my recent acquaintance.

“Are you okay?” my opponent asks as I pick myself up off the tennis court. I brush pollen off my hands and knees and check scrapes for blood as I pick up my racket. My weak left foot had dragged and caught on the court as I lunged for the ball. “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks though.” I answer, “Your serve, right?”

«¿Por qué cojeas?» one of my students asks me with a concerned look on her face. We are hiking around the dramatic rock shelves surrounding the mountainous Peruvian city where I’ve come to volunteer this summer. My first day, and my student already noticed my limp. «Pues…» I begin hesitantly, unsure of the Spanish for much of what I want to say. «Cuando tenía diez anos, de repente no pude caminar. Yo necesitaba aprenderlo otra vez, y no lo aprendí perfectamente,» I say, telling her the same story that I’ve shared with so many others. Wherever I go, people will ask questions, and I’ll always strive to be ready with an answer.

“Why,” one of my shorter friends asks exasperatedly, “are you so darn tall?”

************************

I'll post more stories and pictures from Scar Series in the days to come.

Flinging the Red Scarf

I'm not sure the first picture shows up very much.  It's the sketch done with pastel pencils on the 32"x40" canvas.  The next picture is obviously now that I've gotten some paint on it.  What you're seeing is just the shadow, wall and floor.  Next time I have time to paint I'll work on her body and the scarf.  It's a way fun piece!  Quite different from anything else I've done.  As Chris commented, it isn't really about the body.  I agree, but I think it still says a lot about the model and perhaps how she feels about herself.  Check out those gorgeous red high heels!

Time for sleep.  Have a good night!

Starting a new canvas

Today was studio day, but I didn't get started until very late.  I had a PT appointment to get my darn lower back worked on.  It's been tense and tight for about a year now and doesn't seem to want to let go of whatever it's holding on to even though I assure it frequently that I'm ready to relax and let everything go!  I wish it would take me at my word.  Ouch!

After that appointment, I decided to get my hair cut - it's been about 14 weeks and looks it!  Shaggy dog style. I found a nice place and enjoyed the attention.  Tomorrow is my 50th birthday so I decided to treat myself a little bit in advance!

When I got home, I went on the computer to try to find an image that excited me because I'm ready for a new canvas.  Chris already made me a canvas - he made one the wrong size the last time he made one, so I had it prepared.  It's hard to try to fit an image to a canvas - I don't think that way.  I like to choose the image then make the canvas to fit it - otherwise I feel so restricted!  I looked at one image of my 89-year-old model, but I don't really like how the composition works on this canvas.  I was looking and looking and got a bit way-laid organizing my pictures - 4 years worth of pictures take a LONG time to label and sort out!  Sometimes I get a tad bit obsessive when I start doing something.  That used to be my brilliant excuse for not cleaning the house or working in the yard - when I'd get started, I wouldn't stop because I'd get so carried away - better not to start!  Thankfully I've married a man I work well with - we keep each other reasonable in such things so now I have a clean house and a pretty yard!  What a concept!

I finally found a picture I like. It's of a dancer wearing shiny red high heels striding out of the picture flinging her bright red scarf behind her.  Only her back half is in the image.  It's very fun and energized. I've been wanting to paint it for a while.

So now I'm headed out to the studio for some evening time to finish drawing her on the canvas.
Tomorrow is my birthday! I'm turning 50.  My family has asked what I'd like to do, and, since I'm turning 50, I've been explicit in telling them!  No reason to make them guess!  Chris and I are taking the day off tomorrow.  He's going to make me breakfast in bed then we'll go to the Architecture Museum here in Richmond, then lunch, then Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens (lunch there probably) then maybe we'll go to a movie or roller skating or something else fun.  We'll buy wood for canvases and maybe stroll around Carytown - in other words, whatever the heck seems like it'll be fun! My sons are going to celebrate with me on Wed when they're going to cook dinner.  My older son's gift to me is the gift of time - it is truly precious to spend time with him so that's a wonderful gift.  I hope I'll see my mom, etc. later in the week since her birthday is the 18th.  Maybe we can celebrate together.

I've decided that birthdays and celebrations should be totally fun and playful from here on out!  Just like life should be!!  So there!

Woman in a Red Chair - finished!

I think Woman in a Red Chair might be finished!  I might decide tomorrow when I see her in the light of day (as opposed to under artificial light now at night) that there's more to do, but she's certainly mostly finished.  I'm so pleased wtih how she turned out.  If she weren't so large (40"x60"), I wuld say she practically looks real.  I'm excited about the skin tones which have about 15 different hues in them and therefore make them more realistic looking.

This image has spoken loudly to me ever since I first saw the photograph. I don't know why exactly, but it really resonates with me. When I asked the model if she were OK with my drawing it, she was quite hesitant at first.  She felt like it captured her too purely, that anyone would know it was she.  I had to respect that, of course, but the image stuck with me.  So much so that I drew it in my sketch book just so I could try to shake it out of me.  It had hold!

And still didn't let go - though I tried hard to!  So I asked my husband to photograph me in the same position.  We waited until the same time of day, set up the lights just the same, then I had him pose in the same position so I could get everything just right, then I sat in the chair.  He did as good a job as possible taking the picture, but when I saw it, I was very disappointed.  It just wasn't the same.  My body is not the same size as the model's so I fit into the chair differently.  My hand, though in the same pose as much as I could manage, didn't look right.  The model was right - this pose was her, not me.  So I set about coming to terms with not drawing it and to finding a different picture to paint. 

The next time I saw this model, I told her about my trials and tribulations and even showed her the drawings I'd made.  At that point, she said, "Oh, for heaven's sake!  Go ahead and paint it!"  I was so happy!  I hope she's still OK with it now that it exists in the world. I hope I honored her in the way I represented her.  I find it such a beautiful authentic present image.  She looks relaxed, present, real. 

Below I've included close ups of the picture so you can see the details.  The colors don't show up quite right.  I don't think there's any way to do that given the differences in monitors, etc.  I'll put it on display somewhere sometime.  In the meantime, it'll be in my studio for anyone who wants to come see this gorgeous woman and her compatriots!

New work from Friday

Friday I didn't particularly feel like working more on Woman in a Red Chair.  I had felt kind of crappy the night before and was worried I was coming down with something, so I decided to not push it in the studio. Of course, once I got in there, I completely forgot I'd ever felt anything but great!  It's so healing to paint and draw!

I have been storing up some photos that I thought would make good smaller pieces done in pastel because they're not quite complete enough for large paintings, but they're terrific for studies.  They're a bit like my color studies in that they're simple.  I don't think they're quite finished - I can see some areas that need work still - but it felt good to work in pastels again.  I don't draw very often anymore, but it sure feels good when I do!

A model's response to being photographed and painted by me

Below is what one of my models wrote about my photographing her.  Her statement is accompanied by all the paintings I have done of her to date.  She has been an incredible inspiration to me!   It is women like her who are the reason I am doing this work.

Nudes – An Act in Self Love

I am happy to say that after many years of therapy and spiritual work I am moving fully into loving myself. My work is not done, however. I still have areas where I resist loving myself completely and unconditionally, like the way I have rejected my body. I want to love and accept her just as she is, even as she inevitably changes. I am challenged by her size and shape and the sagging reality of aging after years of trying to escape life using food and neglect. Losing almost 30 pounds in 2008 has been a major step toward loving this body and taking better care of her. Continuing this care is an evolving story that I do not know the ending to….beyond that it inevitably ends. I intend that the story unfold full of unconditional love and joy. I want that to radiate through me and to do that I continue to clean house. In 2007 I did a workshop with Arjuna Ardagh at Omega Institute where he had us sit beside a pillow and place our animal bodies on the pillow to speak to us from its innate wisdom. We would switch places as we assumed the role of our natural animal bodies and then our regular consciousness. My body’s first statement to me was, “You tried to kill me.” My response was, “I know, I am sorry.” My second statement from my body was, “I am here for you no matter what.” I wept.

I know my body deserves better from me than I have often given her. I must fully love her as she is and take the steps to care and tend her with love and acceptance. It is time to transform. So I begin and continue in stops and starts. I wish to give myself the gift of health and body ease while not rejecting the largeness of me, while not falling into the right/wrong of social conditioning that says I have to look a certain way to be acceptable. The Universe has given me such gifts as I take this journey. I have found an amazing young lover who sees me and accepts me as I am completely. He does not look to change anything about me and in his love of my uniqueness I learn to give that to myself as well. In intending more love for myself and taking actions toward that intention the Universe has given me a living example of unconditional love. His care and delight for this body opens doors in my soul to let the light of more self acceptance in.

When my friend told me of Susan Singer’s work I quickly accepted the chance to be photographed nude. A little over a year ago I would have refused and avoided the truthful lens. As I review the amazing pictures Susan has taken I revel in my enjoyment of this body I see so fully exposed. She generously shared all of the pictures with me on disks so I can see each and every angle. Some shots are certainly more becoming than others. The hardest ones for me to see are of me standing where the realities of gravity decorate my body with sags and ripples. I am still working on fully loving the sagging. As I continue loosing weight the sagging will likely become more exaggerated. Sometimes I see the fat laughing Buddha and smile thinking, I am that. What Buddha will emerge next? The roundness that I find becoming will diminish and I will need more acceptance of whatever emerges. I work to accept what I am in each moment. Susan’s camera gave me the opportunity to continue my journey of self love and acceptance. Her tender professionalism made the shoot easy and delightful. I am so grateful for this amazing experience. Thank You and Bless You Susan!

Blog about bras

A friend of mine just sent me this link to a blog about wearing a bra.  She felt like it was simpatico with what I've been writing lately.  I couldn't agree more!  Besides that, it's VERY funny!  Enjoy!

http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/

The story of Twelve Naked Men

The third show I did that involved bodies was called 12 Naked Men.  I conceived it after working on Scar Series.  I became tired of painting scars after 10-15 of them so I drew a picture I had taken of a friend who's a dancer and a gymnast.  It was lovely to do, so I did another one. It's the red one.  My teacher at the time had a strong reaction to it - said it looked like he'd been burned, hurt.  Another woman reacted strongly as well, was uncomfortable with it, could barely stand to look at it.  I decided right then and there to explore the topic further.  I had a lot of photographs of naked men to work from. 

That sentence probably needs explanation!  I used to do a form of dance called Contact Improvisation - it's fun and wonderful and I love it, but my daggone back is in too much pain to allow me to do it presently.  Anyway, I was at a dance weekend when I announced that during the afternoon I'd be taking pictures of anyone who was interested in posing for me and that I was working on a series of naked men.  Dancers are not shy about their bodies because they are so present to them.  They might notice every flaw of their own bodies, but they seem to be comfortable being naked, so I had a lot of people willing to model.  To get over the slight awkwardness of the situation, I would ask the men questions about themselves like what their favorite body part was or why they chose to model for me.  It was quite a wonderful experience doing the photographs.  I'm very grateful to each person who modeled for me.

One man in particular, I believe, had a profound experience.  It was a brand new thing to him to model, and he wasn't very comfortable.  He was afraid to tell his wife he was doing it.  Afraid, I believe, to let her know what crazy stuff he was up to.  When I sent him copies of the pictures afterwards, we ended up emailing back and forth for months about the experience.  He said it was the first time he'd actually realized that he was no longer living in the body of a 20-year-old.  He could see in the photos that he was 50.  I think it was not easy for him to confront the fact of his aging body.  He's in fantastic shape, but, still, as he said, he isn't 20 any more.  Powerful work! 

After I drew the first nude, I decided to use poses where the men were facing the camera but without heads.  That way people could look at the bodies without feeling confronted by the subject.  I was playing with the idea that women are usually the ones who are objectified by men, and here I was objectifying men by showing them without heads, just as bodies.  I also wanted people to have a chance to look unimpeded by faces looking back at them.  I wasn't interested in doing portraits at that time. 

For the exhibit, I built a round room where I hung all twelve pieces.  Viewers walked into the room and were surrounded by the images of twelve naked men.  It was quite powerful.  Of course there were gawkers who came to look.  And people who laughed with discomfort.  But even more people were moved by the exhibit and the power of the men and their bodies.  I'd gotten a lot of press so there were a lot of people at the opening.

At one point, a group of 5 of so kids ran in off the street.  They went into the space and giggled and gawked and laughed.  I was a little bit worried that they would be disruptive so I went in to see if I could talk to them about it - what a great opportunity to teach!  (After all, I'm a teacher by trade!)  I asked if they had any questions.  One of the girls who was about 12 asked me, "How come those guys' things is all so little and shrivelly?"  I was taken aback that she would have a clue how they would look at all, much less that they might look otherwise, but I calmed responded that they weren't always big and erect - most of the time, in fact, they weren't.  "Oh!  Well how come you paint all these naked men?"  I explained to her my reasons.  She seemed satisfied enough and told me, "Well that's really cool.  I like what you do"  then she and her friends ran off, giggling perhaps a bit less than they had when they first came in, but still with barely stifled guffaws that exploded as they left the building. 

There were several women who came in with their husbands.  I call them church couples - middle aged, well-dressed, dignified.  Several times the women would poke their husbands and point to one particular model (the brown and teal one) who has a gut and say, "Honey, I didn't know you modelled for her!"

That particular model turned out to be one of the favorites.  I think he looked most familiar to people - like their husbands or father or whomever. 

Later in the evening a young man came in with his pretty wife.  She was full of life and vitality and tried to coax him in to see the drawings.  He adamantly refused to go in.  I noticed so tried to engage him in conversation while she was looking at the pictures.  I asked him why he chose to stay outside.  He said he didn't want to see any naked guys.  He wasn't like that.  He reminded me of a high school football player, acting macho, averting his eyes in the locker room so no one would think he was gay.  I encouraged him to take a look and to let me know what he thought, but he was not willing to at all.  Too bizarre for him.  It is fascinating to me to learn more about people's perceptions and feelings about the human form.

As a counterbalance to the above incident, another man who is somewhat heavyset and middle aged went into the room to see the men.  When he came out, he came over to talk to me with tears in his eyes.  He thanked me for having the exhibition and said it helped him accept his own body more.  It was the first time he'd really been able to look at men's bodies and see what they looked like for real - I think he must have been like the previous guy who was afraid to look in the locker room.  He said that seeing real men made him accept his own body all the more.  I felt so happy that my art opened that up for him.  That's why I do this work.  It makes a difference!

After the exhibit, Madelyn Miller, The Travel Lady, came to town and saw a print I made of the Twelve Naked Men and wanted to know more so she contacted me about them.  I sent her pictures and more info which she included in an article she wrote for her website.  http://www.travellady.com/issues/March05/1281NakedMen.htm is the link if you're interested in seeing it.  Madelyn told me they got more hits on the website every day for a while than they'd ever had before - over 100,000/day!!  I guess my guys got around!

There were other examples of people being uncomfortable:  the gallery I was showing in sent out a card I designed to announce the show.  It's shown here. It has a picture of one of the nudes that can be seen through a "keyhole" - alluding to the voyueristic side of the show.  One of the recipients called the gallery, incensed, to tell the gallery owner to take her off the mailing list!  What was she thinking, sending a naked man to her mailbox?  She didn't have children, but what if she did and her children had seen it???!!!

My response is that nudity is completely natural and it's the fact that we as Americans make it so unnatural that I believe leads to so many of our problems as a country.  In Europe, nudity is much more accepted.  Sex is perceived as natural and normal.  Children  and teens see movies with sex and naked people in them much more than movies with violence.  Violence is seen as bad and terrible and children are protected from images of violence, not sex.  I agree with that.  I don't want kids to see violent sex, of course, nor do I believe they should be exposed to images of behavior that is too mature for their comprehension, but simply seeing the nude body is quite another thing.  We all have one, for goodness sake!  What's the big deal??!!

(Did I just open up a can of worms??   I hope so!)

More on Being a Figurative Artist

*  When I was at the gym the other day, I learned that we aren't supposed to walk around naked anymore because other guests are discomforted by that.  The new policy requests that all patrons please change clothes in the individual curtained areas provided for that purpose.  When will children ever see naked bodies and learn that they are NORMAL?!

*  When I was preparing for my most recent show at the Gay Community Center, I was working on a concept for some pictures.  I planned to show photographs of 8 of my models, front and back, headless so they wouldn't be identifiable.  I would hang them next to each other in identical frames for purposes of comparison.  I had planned to paint 24 8-foot tall canvases of women standing straight on, but hadn't been able to get that done in time for the show, so these photos would serve the same purpose.  I wanted viewers to be able to look at the bodies for as long as they wanted to and to see what "real" women really look like, without air brushing or anything else.

Apparently the Universe was not aligned with my concept.  So many glitches happened! 

The first was that the company I sent the digital files to wrote me back to tell me they don't print pictures of nudes.  I had had things printed there before, so I know that isn't necessarily true, but perhaps since I was asking to have enlargements made, someone paid more attention and decided to enforce the policy.  So I was left without the pictures, and I'd already ordered $250 worth of frames to put them in.

Finally I found a place here in town that works with artists all the time and realized I wasn't doing porn.  I was doing art.  Uptown Copy is the place to go if you're an artist and want good service from people who understand art and artists.  They're great!  They printed out the pictures in no time flat for a very reasonable price.

In the meantime, I had taken all the necessary measurements and had ordered the frames for $250, as I mentioned before.  I was running out of time, so I was preparing to cut the mats and foamcore when Chris glanced at the pictures and commented that I might want to check with the models to make sure they would be OK with my showing those photos because, to him, they looked more like the models than my paintings end up looking. 

I was feeling so frustrated and thwarted by this time, I had no desire to ask permission, but of course I did.  My entire intention is for my  models to feel safe and beautiful and protected.  Showing work they're not OK with is simply not an option.  So I emailed each one the photos and asked if they were OK with my showing them.  I got universal "no's".  Each person was uncomfortable with how like themselves they looked and didn't want family members or friends to recognize them. 

Blast! 

Well, at least I had some compilation pictures I could still show - I'd done collages of breasts and butts and other body parts.  Hopefully my models would be OK with those since they were definitely unrecognizable in them.  All was well for that.

Chris cut the glass for me.  I washed it and had it ready.

The frames arrived.  I put together and assembled all the frames I could use.  I put together the glass, mat, picture, foam core, frame, backing, hooks, wires.  Done.

I breathlessly delivered all the work to the Center - these photos plus many other works I'd also had to get ready - a day later than ideal for the curator, but finally there.

Two days later, the final blow for these photos fell - the curator told me she hadn't used any of them in the show because they just didn't fit in!  All that work for nothing!  Sometimes it really helps to pay careful attention to the Universe when it's nudging me in a certain direction or away from something.  It sure would save me a lot of effort!

So now I have a bunch of very cool prints, framed, with no home!  Cheap!  Get in touch if you'd like one delivered to your very own door!  They'd be very happy to finally be loved fully!

Frustrations of a Figurative Artist

Recently when I was putting together a show of figurative work, I kept running into snafus that were rather frustrating.  I kept a tally of them thinking I would one day write an article about them.  I notice that society tends to have a problem with naked people.  These problems become especially apparent when showing said naked people in public!

For the next few days I thought I'd blog about some of the interesting problems I've run into since I started painting naked people.  If you have any stories to add to these, please be sure to post comments!

My first intimation that drawing naked people was not fully accepted by society came from my own children who were 12, 10, and 8 when I first started drawing my series of pregnant nudes.  Their shrieks of "Ewwww, gross, Mom!" clued me in to the feelings they were having.  They definitely did NOT want to know whose breast it was that the baby was sucking on, much less who the baby was!  I think they were touched by the picture I drew called "Thirty Seconds Old" which is of my youngest and me in the seconds after he was born.  But still there's the squeamishness.

Each year on their birthdays, I try to tell them the story of their births.  My oldest was born in the hospital, the other two at home.  I nursed them til they quit on their own.  I was into attachment parenting.  We're very close, but they really don't want to hear about their births.  They begin singing, "La-de-dah-de-dah" loudly and insistently until they drown out the lovingly remembered moments of pain and anguish as I pushed them into this world, out of the other blissful environment.  I thought about writing my daughter's story on her Facebook page this year for her birthday present but realized that she would de-friend me immediately if I ever did such a thing!  I guess I'll have to wait until they're ready to have kids themselves or become curious for other reasons.  Til then I'll have to content myself with drawing loving re-creations of those times we loved and which other friends have been so gracious as to share with me as well.

Woman in a Red Chair Day 4

I talk about my studio so much I thought it might be interesting for you guys to see what my work space looks like.  Just a couple of days ago I began painting using the computer to view the photo because I can zoom in more easily using it than printing out scores of pictures.  It's a bit of a problem because I'm not quite disciplined enough to stay off the internet while I'm painting, but it's also good because I can listen to the This American Life podcast while I'm working, and that's quite a pleasure!

 

The 2nd picture is after I worked on the piece a bit more than the one above.  I added some pubic hair and refined the legs.  The next time I have time to work on it, I'll work on her arm and hand more and lighten up the neck a bit.  I am very excited about the way the skintones are coming out.  In the enlargement (the 3rd picture), they're a bit clearer, but still not quite accurate.  There's a lot of green and pink and purple in the colors.  Flesh is so delicious to paint!

Woman in a Red Chair Day 3

Yesterday was a terrific studio day!  I had a chance to make some major progress on Woman in a Red Chair.  I got the first layer on all her flesh except for her last two fingers.  I also re-worked some of the texture on the chair.  I'm very excited with the way her body is looking.  There are lots of shades, hues, and tones i it in real list.  I can't wait to get back out there today to keep going.

I'll post more later today if I get a chance.
Hope you have a great day!