Call for Models for painting about vaginal probes

Call for models:
In Quaker Meeting this morning, I got a vision of a painting I am feeling compelled to do.  It is a wide open crotch shot of a woman being given a vaginal probe ultrasound by the State against her will.  It will not be an easy painting to look at.

I need a woman of child-bearing years and a middle aged man who will hold the probe to pose for me.  I also need to borrow said probe.  The woman's face (in distress) will be visible as will her vaginal region.  The man's face will not show.  I will take photographs and will paint from them.  It will be large (probably about 48" wide - life size).  I can photograph the man and woman separately so that he is not truly doing her harm or causing her distress.  I don't want to ask anyone to experience that, but I do want to indicate the horror of an unwanted probe being inserted into ones vagina.

If you are interested in posing for me, please contact me to let me know.

I am fiercely opposed to the bills the legislatures in our States have been passing this year, and I want to do what I can to express my opposition.  As a visual artist, one of my tools is my art.  I hope that seeing a graphic image of a woman getting this ultrasound will stick with people and will give the legislators pause and will help them consider their vote more carefully.  I hope it will also outrage people enough to make them do something about these egregious laws.  Images have power, as do words, but sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.

It's time for images.

!WAR: Women Art Revolution

I was just re-reading my post from Feb 14, 2010 http://susansingerart.blogspot.com/2010/02/how-do-women-artists-depict-women.html about how women artists depict women.  And I just finished watching a movie on Netflix called !WAR, Women Art Revolution.  Here's the official Netflix blurb about it: 

2010,NR,82 minutes

Renowned artist Lynn Hershman-Leeson spent 40 years gathering interviews and news footage for this stunning documentary profiling the feminist art movement, which seeks to empower female artists and improve their access to male-dominated art spaces.

Cast:

Judy Chicago, Guerrilla Girls, Martha Wilson, Miranda July

Director:

Lynn Hershman-Leeson

Genres:

Documentaries, Historical Documentaries, Social & Cultural Documentaries

As it says, it's a 40 year history of women making art and trying to make it in the white male-dominated world.  It is a fascinating history, and it is still continuing today.  It made me wonder if this attitude is affecting my ability to show and sell my own artwork.  I don't think it's as difficult now as it was in the 1970's and 1980's when these women began their work, but I wonder now if it is an issue for me which I don't even realize.

I know people express to me that they feel shy about having a nude in their house - what will people think if they find they have a painting of a naked person in their living room - or bedroom - or bathroom?  I never quite know what to say about that - after all, I have lots of them and don't have problems with it, even when I had students coming to the house regularly.  I find people are less freaked out than potential customers seem to think they will be.  I know my work is intense, and some people have difficulty with intensity - so be it.  I just figure it'll give them the opportunity to be with their feelings and to take a look at their judgments!

I enjoyed watching the movie and seeing the art those women were creating.  It isn't in the textbooks, and much of it isn't in the museums.  Judy Chicago co-authored a book called Women and Art: Contested Territory.  Even that book, though, isn't all about women creating art - it's primarily about how women are depicted in art - quite a different matter.  So this documentary showed me a lot of work I hadn't been exposed to before.

If you're wanting to know more about the history of women's artwork, this movie is a good place to get at least one part of that history.  Thanks, Lynn Hershman-Leeson!

Learning to Follow My Bliss

I've begun to notice that art is beginning to feel suspiciously like a job, something I have to do, not something I feel compelled to do out of desire and excitement and curiosity and all those other good things.  I quit my tutoring job in January 2011 so I could follow my bliss and offer the world (and myself) a vision of such joy and contentment.

Taking on Beyond Barbie along with Not Barbie (the art show) at the same time was daunting, to say the least, and I think it got me into Accomplishment Mode.  I had to DO many, many, many things each day, and I think I began to lose the excitement and curiosity and joy which led me to turn to art full time in the first place.  I tend to be very driven when I have a goal, and my drive kicked into overtime for the aforementioned tasks.  They turned out fantastically, and I'm very glad I took them on, but now that they're over (I took down the show in Williamsburg last Saturday and don't have any shows lined up for the foreseeable future), I'm taking some time to re-assess and to think about where I'm headed.  I don't want to act out of compulsion or unconscious drive.  I want to live fully conscious.  When I stop for a moment, I notice I haven't been fully blissful lately - not that that's possible, I know, but it's worse that than - I've been pushing, pushing, pushing, and it has hurt.

On vacation at the beach, I remembered what it was to wake up excited about creating and to rush to the easel because I couldn't stand not to!  I wanted to capture what I saw.  It was captivating and fun!  First time I'd had fun in a while.  Instead I'd been coming out to the studio and getting to work on paintings I wasn't feeling fully invested in, doing them out of a sense of duty and "should".  I was doing them with skill but not with passion.  I always promised myself I wouldn't do that. 

When we got home from the beach, Chris and I took some time to consider the next part of our lives.  Where do we want to live?  How do we want to live?  Can we lead spirit-filled, joyful lives full of creativity and whimsy and delight?  I sure hope so!

This week I've been meditating most days to try to tap into my inner knowing and to give myself a chance to slow down and consider what is itching to be expressed.  We went to the Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens on Sunday just for something fun to do, and I couldn't wait to get back Monday to paint and draw the beauty I'd seen there.  That day was a no-brainer!  I'll post the pictures in tomorrow's blog.

The rest of this week, I've had meetings to attend and classes to teach, but I've tried to stay centered in joy.  I've let myself rest when I was tired.  I've taken breaks.  I've stopped working at reasonable times.  I've listened in to learn what I wanted to do and haven't guilted myself for doing it!  And - no surprise here - I've had a lovely week.  I feel invigorated and excited about today and looking forward to tomorrow.  What a fabulous shift.

I hope I can remember the next time I'm feeling driven and burned out - STOP.  Breathe.  Listen to my still quiet voice inside.  And do what it says.  Sniff out whimsy.  Follow my bliss.  Get curious.  And have fun!

(Oh yeah, one of my main prompts for figuring this out is that I'll be teaching a class called Learning to Follow Your Bliss at the Visual Arts Center starting Monday, and I figured I needed to be less than cynical when I do!  Now I feel rejuvenated and like I understand the concept again.  yay!)

Emotions of the Ocean, Wednesday, Avon OBX

Wednesday started out cloudy and overcast but didn't stay that way for too long.

I got very intrigued by the clouds.  Right on the horizon line, there was a bank of clouds then above that, there were two different types of clouds, one wispy, the other puffy.  I don't know the names for the types of clouds, so can't be specific - any Weather Channel junkies out there who can help me?!

Here's the whole scene at about the same time as the image above.  The sky was bluer Wed than it had been Mon and Tues when it tended towards dark, sandy green.

Later in the day the sky got lighter and brighter as did the ocean.  The waves were a little bit choppier too.

Look how the water changed completely - it got dark as could be!  That what made these pictures so much fun!  I might think I was drawing the same picture twice, but when I finished and compared them, I could see how utterly different they actually were!

Tomorrow's post I will continue with the pictures I did at the OBX each day so you, like I, can experience the changing emotions of the ocean.

(If you're interested in purchasing any of these, please contact me.  Unframed, they will sell for $165.  Framed (acid-free materials, beautiful hand-made frame (framed by Chris and me)) they will sell for $275.  I will also be making prints which will be $35.) 

Emotions of the Ocean, Friday, Avon OBX

Friday was our last full day at the Outer Banks.  It began with the owner of the cottage calling the house to ask if it would be possible to have some workmen come for a couple of hours a bit later to install the shower doors in the master bathroom.  She was lovely and apologetic but said they didn't have a choice.  I was stunned speechless - we had plans for the day that didn't include workmen banging around and in and out for a bit.  Once I gathered my ability to speak again, I told her it would be a major imposition and asked if there were anyway to NOT have them come, I would appreciate it greatly.  Thankfully she understood because she loves her time at the beach also so she back off of her request.  Thank you, owner!  We appreciate you even more now!

After I got up I went to Spa Koru to do some yoga.  One of the perks of renting this house is a week's membership at the spa.  I did yoga three times during the week.  It was a wonderful benefit!  After that I went to talk to the owner of Studio 12 to talk about teaching classes there this summer.  She was terrific and we're having conversations about how to get me down there to teach and when.  Sounds like fun to me!

When I finally got home from all that, it was almost 1 and I was ready for breakfast!  But first I had to do a drawing.  Then another one.  Then another.  Knowing it was my last day there made me all the more avid to draw as much as I could.  Who knows when we'll ever have the chance to stay in such a fabulous home again!  

These three pictures ended up being more alike than other days' of work.  Interesting that the ocean was less variable than previously.  It remained densely clouded and windy.  

As the day drew to a close, Chris was watching out of the back windows to see how the sound was looking to try to gauge what the sunset might be like.  He decided it looked like it would be great, so we hopped in the car and headed down to the Canadian Hole (where windsurfers and kiteboarders launch) on the Sound to watch that glory.  He was so right!  The clouds cleared just enough to offer us sunset perfection.  Here are some of the pictures I took.  I've already painted one of them!

As the day drew to a close, Chris was watching out of the back windows to see how the sound was looking to try to gauge what the sunset might be like.  He decided it looked like it would be great, so we hopped in the car and headed down to the Canadian Hole (where windsurfers and kiteboarders launch) on the Sound to watch that glory.  He was so right!  The clouds cleared just enough to offer us sunset perfection.  Here are some of the pictures I took.  I've already painted one of them!

It was such a blessing to spend time at the Outer Banks.  I feel refreshed, renewed, and reinvigorated and ready to create more artworks.  I don't know what they'll be of, but this week has shown me that it's in my blood, in my psyche, and in my soul.  This is how I process the world and what I find before me.  I don't seem to have any other choice!

Emotions of the Ocean, Thursday, Avon OBX

Thursday we were out and about a lot.  We drove down South and stopped by galleries and shops in Avon.  It was quite an ironic day.  I had come to the beach intended to VACATE.  Take a break!  Quit pushing so darn hard because I was tired!  But, like a moth to flame or a duck to water, I am drawn to art and to creating.  So where did I go?  To galleries!  of course!  Each gallery we went in, Chris would off-handedly mention that I was an artist also.  At one place, Studio 12, in Avon, the owner asked immediately if I'd be interested in showing my work there.  But of course!  I asked if he'd like to see it, figuring he wouldn't want to get himself into trouble by agreeing to show my work before he'd even seen it!  I showed him my fruits and beach scenes.  He suggested I speak with his wife the next day about the possibility of offering classes there.  Sounded good to me!

We went into a couple other galleries as well and talked about doing the same.  It looks like I'll probably be offering classes in the Outer Banks this summer!  I'll post details here as soon as everything is confirmed.  

I learned that what I've been espousing for years -  Follow Your Bliss and the Money will Follow - actually means what it says.  Follow your BLISS!  Recently I've been working very, very hard, feeling pressured to make a living doing what I love and learning to not love it quite so much anymore.  It isn't fun to push and push and push and to feel driven to succeed.  I was starting to feel resistant to standing in front of the easel.  Going on vacation was perfect - the beauty all around me thrilled me and inspired me to wake up and paint!  I couldn't wait to get to the easel!  I would have done more pictures, but I was worried about running out of paper.  It was then that I realized that I've been turning my love into my duty out of fear of not making enough money.  What I learned Thursday was that just being myself and doing what brings me pleasure and joy works much better.  Now I'll have several places to sell my artwork and to teach classes - I'll even get to go to the beach in the summer - what a concept!  A very, very good lesson.

When we returned from our explorations, I took time to draw another picture before we headed out to chase the sunset.  It looked like it was going to be a good one.  It seems like when there are some clouds, but not opaque cover, the sunsets are best.  As you can see from this picture, the cloud cover was pretty dense, but we wanted to get out there anyway.  Below are some of the pictures I took that evening.

I love seeing the rays of light breaking through the clouds.  It looks like an image from the Old Testament or something equally awe-inspiring.

There were a couple of windsurfers out on the sound when we got there.  It was fun seeing them silhouetted against the darkening sky.

The sun behind the clouds almost created a silver lining.  Not quite, but I thought this shot was equally dramatic!

That night we were blessed with a very dramatic full moon rising over the ocean.  I rested my camera on the balcony railing so I could get a long exposure so the clouds would show up.  It was quite an artful day!

Tomorrow I will continue with the pictures I did at the OBX each day so you, like I, can experience the changing emotions of the ocean.

(If you're interested in purchasing any of these, please contact me.  Unframed, they will sell for $165.  Framed (acid-free materials, beautiful hand-made frame (framed by Chris and me)) they will sell for $275.  I will also be making prints which will be $35.) 

Call for Submissions for anthology about abortion

The week before I left for vacation for the Outer Banks, the General Assembly of Virginia was working hard considering bills which I found anathema.  Four particularly horrible ones were as follows:

The "Personhood" bill would give all the rights of a viable human being who was already alive to a fertilized egg at the moment of conception, thus defining personhood.  I'm not sure the delegates and senators considered all of the ramifications of this bill when they first read it, but it could cause problems in such situations as ectopic pregnancies.  That is when the zygote is implanted in the woman's fallopian tube.  The tube cannot expand to house the developing baby, and she could easily die if the pregnancy were allowed to continue.  If the Personhood bill were passed, the doctor would be committing murder and/or be accessory to a murder if he counseled the woman to end the pregnancy in order to save her life.  The zygote in this case would be completely unviable - the pregnancy could NOT come to term.  That's just one of the potential problems. 

The "Vaginal Probe" bill would require a woman who was planning to have an abortion to have a sonogram as part of her counseling process pre-abortion.  She would be required to look at the pictures, and the pictures would become part of her medical records.  She would not be able to refuse to have the sonogram.  The only kind of sonogram which would show the fetus before 12 weeks of pregnancy is a vaginal probe, an uncomfortable, invasive instrument.  Because the procedure is not medically indicated, insurance would not pay for it, thus adding between $500 and $2400 to the cost of an abortion.  Women who were raped or who experienced incest would not be excepted from the law, forcing them to undergo another violation of their vaginas without their permission.

Another law would give adoption agencies the right to not allow certain people to adopt if their values were against those people (i.e. gays).

And the 4th heinous bill would make it so that the state would no longer be allowed to fund or help fund abortions for poor women when the fetuses were either severely handicapped or would not be able to live once outside the womb.  Last year the state spent $7000 on such abortions.  I believe there were 11 of them.  Not a big expenditure.  I am guessing that the cost of those women giving birth and raising the children (when they lived at all) would greatly exceed the cost of the abortions.  Presumably, this is a way to make sure the state does not have anything to do with supporting abortion in any way.  Our governor, Bob McDonnell, is a strong proponent of anti-choice.

Thousands of people raised their voices in protest.  Here's a link to one of the Facebook sites which is being used to organize resistance.  One day we all rallied at the General Assembly, in silence, to ask our legislators to please not pass these bills.  Over 1100 people were there: women, men, children, nuns, women in burqas.  It was a completely civil protest.  Afterwards we went to our senators' and delegates' offices to state our opinions.  The aides were very courteous and took our opinions down to share with their bosses.  Such protests continued all week, with folks filling the GA gallery, wearing their red armbands to indicate their affiliation and desires.

I followed the happenings on FB and online as the GA passed the Vaginal Probe bill.  It was modified to indicated that an abdominal sonogram could be used (completely useless medically) and that women who were raped or who suffered incest could forgo it.  but it passed.  The governor, who is potentially under consideration as a VP candidate, signed it into law.

The Personhood bill did not pass.  It was passed over until next session.

The bill to keep low income women from having a state-funded abortion died in the State Finance Committee.

I don't know the fate of the abortion bill.

Here's a link to a terrific article outlining more than I've written if you're interested.

All these bills and the threat they offer to our hard won rights as women have turned me into an activist.  I feel personally threatened and enraged as a woman even though my childbearing years have passed.  I want my daughter and granddaughters and nieces and everyone else to have the right to make their own choices about their own bodies.  It's a horrible choice to have to make to terminate a pregnancy, but it is none of my business what another woman decides.  How can I possibly think I have the right to legislate her choice?  Adding shame and public humiliation to the mix is just not helpful.  It does not improve society or community, and it certainly won't stop people from having sex.

OK, enough rant.

Here's what I'm doing about it:  a couple of friends and I have decided to compile an anthology of personal stories about abortion.  Below I will paste the letter we sent out asking folks to submit their stories about abortion if they feel so moved.  Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might be interested.  We are also interested in stories from people who chose NOT to have abortions, who had their children or who gave them up for adoption.  This is an exceedingly complex issue, and we want the book to hold that complexity with gentleness and honor. 

Dear Friends,

The current explosion of political and media attention on the subject of abortion and reproductive rights has prompted much thought, discussion and activism among us. Clearly, there are many outspoken proponents of a woman’s right to choose and the unborn’s right to life. However, while the statistics say 3 in 10 women have had an abortion in her lifetime, these women and their experiences are faceless and obscure. There seems to be a predominant veil of silence about a woman’s experience sometimes even among close friends. We’ve noticed little to no attention has been given to the implications for and affects on women who have chosen to have an abortion in our modern day culture.

Given this fact we are inspired to gather and share the real stories of women who have made the choice to terminate a pregnancy or who have chosen to continue with an unwanted pregnancy and to raise the child or to give it up for adoption. We have decided to compile an anthology of women’s stories of their experiences with this challenging choice. We are contacting friends like you to see if you have a story that you would like to share. Or if you know someone who would be interested in sharing his or her story,please pass this letter on to him or her. We hope to include a broad range of experiences and perspectives. Along those lines, we are also open to submissions from partners or loved ones of a woman who has had an abortion.

If you have a story you want to share, here are the submission details:

^·          Notify us of your intention to submit your story by March 30, 2012.  Write us at facesofabortion@hotmail.com

·         2-12 pages, personal essay, prose or poetry submitted by June 1, 2012 to facesofabortion@hotmail.com.  We welcome receiving them earlier as we are trying to get the book done in record time!

·         Submit in Word

·         This will be one-time rights

·         We intend to notify you by August 1, 2012 if your piece will be included in the anthology.

·         Compensation for chosen submissions has not been finalized.

We hope to have the book finished and ready to go by Oct 1, 2012 in the hopes it can have an impact on the political races this Fall.  We are still looking for a publisher, so if you have contacts to agents or publishers, please let us know.

Thank you for your willingness to share your story.  This is in service to all humanity.

Sincerely,

Susan Singer, Joan Maher, Leslie Lytle

Emotions of the Ocean, Tuesday, Avon OBX

Tuesday I awoke, full of excitement, with the sun glaring from behind the sun-blocking curtains.  I could tell it was a bright sunny day, so even before I wrote my morning pages, I popped out of bed, ran into the living room, and started drawing.  I think I said good morning to Chris before I applied pastel to paper!  I hope I was that polite, at least!  It was 7:30, I believe, and the sun had just come up enough to cast a radiant white light onto the ocean, all but blinding me in its glory.  It was impossible to see any details where it shone except where the waves cast a shadow.  The area around it was more visible, thus the blue.

After doing picture #1, I kissed Chris good morning then went back to bed to write my morning pages so I could get centered for the day.  By the time I was done with them, the ocean had changed completely.  The sky was now somewhat cloudy and the water appeared dark sandy-green.  I couldn't take time to eat breakfast!  I had to draw another scene first!

After breakfast, the clouds had filled the sky, leaving it almost completely overcast and the water even darker.  I was intrigued by the idea of trying to render the overcast sky and still differentiate enough to make it interesting.

And now it looks like Monday again with windy, overcast skies, choppy turbulent seas, and a barely-visible horizon line.  And all that after such a blaringly bright 7:30 AM!

The next couple days' of posts I will continue with the pictures I did at the OBX each day so you, like I, can experience the changing emotions of the ocean.

(If you're interested in purchasing any of these, please contact me.  Unframed, they will sell for $165.  Framed (acid-free materials, beautiful hand-made frame (framed by Chris and me)) they will sell for $275.  I will also be making prints which will be $35.) 

Emotions of the Ocean, Monday, Avon OBX

Yikes!  I can't believe it's been so long since my last blog post.  I have a lot to catch up on.  Before catching up, though, I'm going to get current.  Last week Chris and I went to the Outer Banks of North Carolina on vacation.  It's where we go to fill our souls and release our anxiety and tension.  We were very blessed this last time to find a cottage, Canary Sings, which was discounted substantially so we were able to stay on the ocean affordably.  The cottage is actually much more beautiful than the pictures indicate.  It is behind a good-sized dune, but from the upstairs window, we could see the ocean very clearly.  Here's a picture taken from inside the living room.

Though I hadn't intended to paint or draw while I was at the beach (I was on vacation, after all, and art is now my full time job!), I felt so inspired by the view that I could not WAIT to set up my easel and draw the scene moment by moment!  I prepared my sanded paper, tearing or cutting it into 9"x6" pieces, put up my new easels, and set to work.

The first day I did 6 paintings.  Every time I looked out the window, the view was different, and I got so excited I had to get up from whatever I was doing and draw it!  It was really fun drawing it because that way I could compare the colors and sky and sea concretely.  I was amazed at how much it changed in a short time.  Chris suggested a great way to think about it - he said it's like emotions - they come and go, passing quickly from one to the other, as silly to take personally as the changing weather, and similarly harmless (sometimes they're not so harmless, as when someone takes their anger out on you - likewise the ocean as when there's a hurricane).

 Here's the first day's worth of images (Monday, March 5)

The sky was very misty.  It was difficult to see the horizon or any details in the sea.

This one is fairly similar to the photograph I attached at the start of the blog post: cloudy, a bit stormy, grey and green.

Later the weather cleared up.  It was still cloudy, but the sky was showing patches of blue, and I could see the waves much more clearly.  Obviously, this picture is more close up than the others!

Just a little while later, everything was different.  There were clouds, yes, but the water was much darker, the clouds much thinner, and the sky was now that gorgeous cerulean blue.  What a contrast to the early morning fog!

So many colors in the waves!

Can you believe this was the same day as the first picture??  Clear blue sky with just a couple of grey-ish clouds, blue water, calm and relative stillness.  Amazing!

The next few days' of posts will be the pictures I did at the OBX each day so you, like I, can experience the changing emotions of the ocean.

(If you're interested in purchasing any of these, please contact me.  Unframed, they will sell for $165.  Framed (acid-free materials, beautiful hand-made frame (framed by Chris and me)) they will sell for $275.  I will also be making prints which will be $35.)

The Faces of Grace

I'm not a sports fan - at all - so I felt no compunction to turn the TV on and join the hordes yelling and screaming for a particular team to win - or for Madonna's top to fall off - or whatever.  I figure I'll get my news and the best clips on FB when it's over.

Instead I painted today.  I finished the third of my series "The Faces of Grace" and re-worked the previous two a bit.  I realized that Compassion was a bit too pink for my tastes, so I toned it down a little bit and neutralized some of the colors.  I don't know if it shows in these pictures or not, but it does in real life!

Tomorrow I plan to at least begin the fourth one - hopefully get it mostly finished - since I will be hanging the show in Williamsburg Thursday, and I would like these to be in it!  Pressure, pressure!  It should be doable as long as I don't get too distracted.

Here are the three pictures:

Grief

Compassion

Pleasure

The fourth picture will go to the left of Pleasure.  The four of them will be hung together, two up, two down.  I plan to hang them together near the first self portrait I did a couple of weeks ago.  They'll all be in the show From Hurt to Harmony which opens next Sunday from 2-5 at the Linda Matney Gallery off of
Richmond Rd in Williamsburg, VA.  You're welcome to attend if you're in the area.

Compassion

Today I created a companion piece to go with the painting I did on Tuesday.  It's called Compassion.

I had very different feelings today than when I painted Grief the other day.  I felt like I was stroking my face and offering myself comfort.  I was noticing my wrinkles and my greying hair and feeling love for all the years I've lived through and the wisdom I have accumulated.  I loved painting my hand, paying attention to the short fingernails, kept that way so I can paint more easily, and the skin which looks ever more like parchment.  I appreciate the feeling of peace in my face and am grateful for the emotions which led me to look this way.

It feels like a blessing to experience compassion after working through the grief.

Grief

It was difficult for me to get to work today.  Or yesterday.  I spent a lot of time "getting organized".  And on Facebook.  And writing "important and necessary" emails about business issues.  Admittedly, the emails were important, but I knew them for what they were - diversions from the work I really WANT to be doing.

There are times when it's difficult to paint because I am afraid to be with the feelings that painting brings up.  Painting is like meditation - an opportunity for previously veiled/denied/hidden feelings to arise because nothing else is there to distract me.  Sure, I'm thinking about hue and value and shape and line and form, but there's plenty of room between those thoughts for feelings to arise.

And my feelings lately have been challenging.  My father died about a month ago.  He'd had Alzheimer's disease for a long time - 7 or 8 years perhaps - so he hadn't been "himself" for a very long time - hadn't even known me for a couple of years.  His wife told me he'd go around the house calling me and my sister at times, but he couldn't name who I was for anything.  So I'd been dealing with the loss of him for a long time.  It is surprising to me to have strong feelings about it now that he's actually died.  Perhaps it's because it put a lid on it.  The finality.  The end.  There's no way some miracle drug can bring him back anymore - not that it ever could, but hope springs eternal.

I can hardly imagine a disease worse than Alzheimer's except perhaps for ALS which relentlessly takes the body while the mind is still intact.  Alzheimer's attacks the mind relentlessly, offering a glimpse into the sufferer's mind every so often, but mostly advancing without pause through memories and abilities and words, then it marches directly into the body and shuts it down, finally, thank God, after taking all there is to take of the brain.  I found it horrifying to watch his demise.  Each time I would see him, he had lost more words, more abilities.  Oddly, though, his gestures and tone of voice remained.  So, though he was speaking nonsense words, his tone of voice remained so I could often tell what he was saying anyway.

Exceedingly articulate throughout his life, Dad suffered particularly cruelly with this disease which first took his ability to find just the right word.  For several years he knew it was coming and the anxiety attending its approach was great.  I was grateful for him when he got to the point where he no longer realized what was happening.  He still knew he couldn't say what he wanted to and would get frustrated, but at least he didn't know he was becoming disabled more and more each day.  Instead he'd shrug his shoulders and say, "Oh well, I don't know that word now.  Blah, la-la-la-blah!"

Eventually the disease began taking away his automatic processes like walking and even swallowing.  That was when the end was very near.  He could no longer control his movement and began pounding his hands into his stomach.  His face contorted into a grimace.  Beautifully, though, right before that final step, he saw his wife and knew her one last time.  He was able to get out his last words to her, "I love you."

Who knows where his mind was or his soul?  Yet even with all that he was present enough to let her know he loved her.  What a gift.

My last visit with him I held his hand and sang to him, songs he'd song to me as a child.  His eyes were closed when I got there but eventually he opened them and looked into my eyes intensely, locked into mine completely.  It was clear to me that he knew me.  It was a gift to be able to see him at that point and to say goodbye.  It was painful to see his body so decimated, but oddly, through all that, his soul was still present, and we were able to meet at that level and say what we needed to say.


I miss the man I knew in my childhood, the man who played endlessly with me and my siblings, who sang and danced in plays, who told stories in my classrooms, who made me feel as adorable and loved as a person can feel.  I'm thankful his body is free of its constraints now.  I wish him well on his journey.

I am thankful for painting which allows me to express everything I just did but wordlessly.  It allows me to be with the feelings, to weep as I paint when I need to, to hover in and out of the grief then sway into hue and form and line then back into tears and sadness.  

The Best of Beyond Barbie

A couple of months ago a woman from Chesterfield County's Chesterfield Domestic and Sexual Violence Resource Center contacted me to ask if I would be interested in organizing a Best of Beyond Barbie show to be sponsored by her department and perhaps by the Women of Color Caucus of the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance, and Virginia State University as well.  

I am delighted to announce that we are making it happen!  Here's the information!

Saturday, April 14, from 7-9 PM, at Holiday Inn Koger Center South off of Midlothian Turnpike, near Johnston Willis Hospital.  Tickets $10, available at the door.

The following performers will grace the stage:

 

Gaye Adegbalola and The Wild Roots, Blues Singers

Megan Hicks, storyteller

Dawn Flores, artist, dancer, poet, activist

Denise Bennett, storyteller, musician

Valley Haggard, writer

Karen Morris, Eating Disorders Activist

Frances Wessells, 92-year-old dancer

Jennifer Jurlando, writer

Lisette Johnson, blogger and Domestic Abuse survivor

and yours truly, artist, writer, activist

Though we're calling it The Best of Beyond Barbie, I'm realizing that almost none of the acts will be exactly the same as at Beyond Barbie.  Almost every person is creating or presenting a new piece for this show so whether you were at our other performances or not, there will be much newness to experience!  The show will have some focus on Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse since that department is sponsoring it, but primarily it will focus on how glorious it is to be a woman, how empowering, how wonderful, how rich and fulfilling.

I will post more information as it becomes available.  I hope to see you there!

Yes, this is me 2

I've just finished working on "Yes, this is me 2".  This version probably looks a lot like the first one I posted a few days ago, but there are a fair number of subtle differences which I think improve the piece.  I outlined my entire body, for example, so that, even though it's disappearing into the dark, you can still discern where the legs, hip, other breast, and arm belong.  It's subtle, but I think it helps.  I also worked on some details on my face.  I had had the nose too small so I brought it down a bit and worked on the shape of the lips.  It's very difficult for me to discern those issues, so I'm grateful to Chris, my husband, who can see them in a heartbeat and is generous enough to point them out.  

I've enjoyed creating this piece.  It has felt like a labor of love.  My dad's death, though somewhat expected since he died from complications of 7-8 years of living with Alzheimer's, has been painful.  I'm learning that the death of any close relative or friend will bring up many, many emotions.  That sounds obvious - grief, of course, is the main emotion - but it is also an opportunity to look at relationships, not only with the deceased, but also with other family members.  I have had many opportunities to work with my feelings these past few weeks.  This painting is but one of many vehicles for doing so.

When I was painting it, I felt happy, content, absorbed, intent.  As usual, I focused on the hue, form, shadow, line - the artistic elements - but occasionally the power of the image would assert itself and I would experience a surge of compassion for myself, for my father, for my other family members who are also grieving.  It was deeply moving and healing to create this painting.

I look forward to having it in the show in Williamsburg in Feb: From Hurt to Harmony. 

From Hurt to Harmony: Body Image and Consciousness in Transition

I have a show coming up at the Linda Matney Gallery in Williamsburg, VA. The opening is Sunday, Feb 12, from 2-5 PM.  We'll be giving a gallery talk at 3.  Hope to see you there!   Here's the information about it:

Because art is a reflection of the state of the artist's soul, it is often a tool for healing - both of the artist and the observer. The pieces on display in From Hurt to Harmony: Body Image and Consciousness in Transition reflect the individual journeys of two artists as they work with their humanness and reach towards wholeness.

John Lee Matney first recognized the intersection of psychology and fashion photography in 1993 when he started his fashion photography business.  Developing his photography in Atlanta was a highly rewarding experience as he discovered international models and opportunities to cover fashion shows where designers such as such as Versace were featured. Matney continues to be in contact with celebrated Atlanta creatives in his consulting business and has seen growth toward a more international sensibility in fashion and art in Virginia such as Ann Leister’s Virginia Fashion Week. Coinciding with the beginning of his fashion business, he developed new personal work featuring the figure – a blend of his work in fashion and his fascination with psychology.

Shelia by Lee Matney

Matney says, “My work in From Hurt to Harmony explores my preoccupation with the mysteries of the psyche and how we perceive our bodies. It mirrors transformative experiences where various elements are projected through time – archaic elements, alienation, and danger, to mention a few. Many of my images play with the edge between safety and danger and psychological states which are recurring themes in my work. As the years have gone by, I have begun creating pieces - photographs, mostly - which focus on a reconciliation of the individual with a more universal and objective view of social awareness. The show will document these aspects of my journey as an artist and a person”.

detail from Singer's newest work

Since she began creating art, Susan Singer has always used images of the human form to work through hurts in her own life. She first drew miniature graphite images of the pregnant form in an attempt to come to terms with feelings she had when she was pregnant. Later, after her son’s life-saving spinal surgery which left him with an 8-inch scar, she drew that scar and those of others as a way to
integrate the fear she had experienced during his operation into acceptance of his newly limited abilities. Her next foray was into the world of male nudes. She was frustrated by the objectification of women by the media and so chose to objectify men to point out the absurdity of objectifying anyone. Responses to that series
were quick to arise, intense, and fascinating. Next she chose to address the way the media portrays women more directly. She began painting life-size canvases of women of all sizes, shapes, ages, and races and to paint them in all their joy and glory and power. It is her hope that these images will replace those in the media and give women and men something different, more attainable and realistic, to reach for.

Jack

From Hurt to Harmony will include images from Singer’s Twelve Naked Men series as well as many of her most recent female nudes. They, along with Lee Matney’s collection of portraits, photographs, and multi-media pieces chronicle the journeys of these two multi-talented, intensely thoughtful artists as they work through their personal and societal hurts and reach towards a place of greater consciousness and harmony.

While knowing the psychological underpinnings of these works is helpful in creating a broader context for them, it isn't necessary for enjoying them. Each image stands alone as a powerful beacon of aesthetic beauty and provocation, powerful for the personhood portrayed in each. This show will give the viewer
a chance to explore the artists' psyches, to observe their unique journeys, then to delve into their own perceptions and feelings and judgments about the human form. Opening Reception is Sun, Feb 12 from 2-5 PM at the Linda Matney Gallery at 5435 Richmond Rd, Suite A, Williamsburg, VA 23188. The show will be on display through March 14. Gallery hours are Tuesday-Saturday 10am-12pm, 2pm- 5pm. Special viewing appointments are available.

For more information about the gallery or Lee Matney’s work, please contact him per email at lmgfineart@gmail.com.

For more information about Susan Singer’s art, please contact her per email at SusanSingerArt@msn.com.
Many thanks for your interest in this show!