Joy and gratitude in abundance

I woke up this morning wanting to journal, so I rolled over and dragged my large sketchbook/journal off my night table where I always keep it for just such events.  First I did my morning pages, a la The Artist's Way, then began writing for real.  Two hours later I was still at it.  Scribbling madly, I hadn't even gotten up to use the bathroom yet.  Chris came in to see if I was getting up, saw I wasn't, and got ready to go to the gym without me.  When he got home, I was still writing, though by then I'd at least used the bathroom.  At 1, Chris came in again, and I figured I'd better get up and get some breakfast at least.  While I was in the shower, I got more words so rushed to the paper to put them down.  That started a whole new torrent.  I continued until 3 when I knew I needed to stop or platz.

I came out to the studio and began blogging.

After all that, I'm feeling like I haven't really accomplished anything today.  Because I can't see it on canvas, I guess.  But I'm also writing a book.  To get that finished, I probably have to do some writing!  It's interesting to notice how different that feels, how unlike creative work it feels.  How difficult it is to be able to discern if I've really gotten anything done or not.

But today I do know that I did.  I wrote about a former relationship in a way that helped me move through the pain that is still there.  I might not include it in my book, but I might, and either way, it's healing and worthwhile.  I have to occasionally remind myself that I don't always have to be accomplishing something to be a valid human being!  It's a challenging balance for me sometimes, especially now that I'm doing art full time - I constantly feel like I need to be creating or working towards art somehow or else I'm not "earning the right" to be doing this.

Yet I am happier than I can ever remember being before.  Every morning I wake up and can hardly wait to get out of bed because there are so many things I'm excited about doing.  I want to paint.  I want to draw.  I want to write.  I want to go through my photographs.  I want to begin a new canvas.  I want to write someone about teaching a class.  I want to write a new lecture then find someplace to give it.  I want to create a new class then find a place to teach it.  I want to prepare for my current classes.  I want to teach them.  It's all so satisfying.  I can hardly believe how blessed I am to be able to do this full time. 

Each day presents new miracles, new opportunities, new exciting options.  I eagerly anticipate the next new surprise I'll find awaiting me.

Friday a woman called to ask about my doing a commission for her.
Today a friend wrote with the possibility of someone doing an article about my gorgeous studio.
Thursday I spoke with a friend from Texas about speaking and teaching in her home town.
Another day a friend asked me to be his creativity coach.

That's what I mean.  It's things like that that I couldn't have thought of on my own which keep happening.  God is in charge, and I'm loving the way he works.  I feel so led in my work, so clear and certain that I'm doing the right thing and am reaching just the right people who need to hear and see what I have to offer. 

I've always believed in the saying, "Do what you love, the money will follow."  I am living proof that it is true.  Every day.  Every moment.  Such joy and satisfaction.  I'm only grateful.

Pure Joy

I did more work on Valley's portrait today, trying to refine her features a little bit more and make the bathing suit brighter.  The surface I put on the canvas seems to have soaked up the paint overnight making it duller than it had been yesterday.  I'll be curious to see how it looks tomorrow.  For now, though, I feel like it's finished.

I also finished Woman Seated (though it sure needs a different title), I think.  The sunlight was coming in and shining on the bottom part of it today.  It was thrilled to see how the sun was making all the transparent paints show up.  It made me smile with joy.

After working on both of those, I began a new piece I'm calling Woman in the Mirror.  It's in the very beginning stages.  Rob Vander Zee had recommended I do it in Grisaille first - do all the values monochromatically like Rembrandt and the other Old Masters did, so thats's the stage I'm in now.  Then tomorrow once that's dry, I'll get to go over what's there now and do glazes to make the whites more luminous and luscious and subtle and to make the darks more complex and interesting.  I can't wait to see how it goes!  I love the mystery of the image.  It's almost abstract in passages because it's completely dark, yet upon further examination, it's clear what it is - I hope!

Today I listened to a TED talk about happiness and realized that I am truly happy right now.  It is wonderful to wake up each day with a head full of ideas and plans and excitement about what I'll get to do during the day.  Each day I get to eat nice meals, then paint or draw, and write, and see a friend or two, and go for a walk with a friend or exercise, and plan my next show, and talk to people who are excited by what I'm doing.  I get to think about Women's Body Image and how I can help spread the word that we all deserve to love our bodies.  I try not to think about whether I'm earning money or not - it isn't like when I tutored x number of clients per day and knew exactly what my income would be at the end of the month.  I have no idea right now.  I have several classes planned which I'm excited about and which I hope will happen, but other than that, I don't know how I'll earn money.  I'm absolutely going on faith.  I have a strong conviction that if I am doing what I feel so strongly called to do that God will take care of that silly old stuff and I don't need to worry about it.

Each day new opportunities arise which I could never anticipate.  For example, the wife of a friend from high school, with whom I've reconnected through Facebook, is working to help me come down to Texas to give a couple of lectures (at the university and to friends of hers) and to teach Naked Self Portraiture.  Wow!  That is completely exciting to me. 

Then today a woman called to ask me to paint her portrait.  Perfect.

It's like that every day.  I just never know what to expect, but it seems like it's all good. I feel completely blessed.