PORN II

Yesterday I wrote about my reaction to The Price of Pleasure, a DVD documentary I saw on Netflix about the Porn Industry which is big, big business.

The movie disturbed me deeply and filled me with images I would much rather not have in my head.

More of my reactions to the film:

A young man who was being interviewed with his face in silhouette so he couldn't be recognized talked about the effect porn flicks have on him.  He said he has trouble staying aroused with his girlfriend because she doesn't do the things that are in the movies and he's so used to being aroused by them that he can't keep an erection unless he's experiencing that.  His brain has become so used to porn that he needs it to be aroused.  Wow.  What a loss to him and his partner.

Another young man talked about watching a porn film with his girlfriend.  There was anal sex in it.  He was getting aroused.  He was only half watching the film though because he was also watching his girlfriend to see how she was responding.  She was disturbed and afterwards they talked about it.  The next time she was less disturbed.  The time after that even less so.  Eventually he could see that it had become normal to her because she didn't react, so he broached the possibility of doing that with her.  She eventually agreed.  And so it goes...  something becomes normalized through viewing it so much.

I wonder about kids who've grown up finding porn on the internet, for whom that is the first sex they see.  How do they learn what normal is?  Do they grow up thinking violence towards women is normal?  In the film, a young man at the beginning said (and I paraphrase), "I'm a pretty shy guy.  I'm not all that experienced.  If some girl came up to me and started saying, 'Fuck me, baby.  Give it to me in the ass.' like they do in the movies, I'd be petrified!  I wouldn't know what to do with that."

What sort of expectations are these films setting up?  How can "normal" people live up to them?

One researcher commented that girls are trying to act sexy by acting how the porn stars act in the movies when they're acting turned on by the things being done to them - pretty far from real feeling - acting like someone who is acting in a porn movie - and trying to please your partner that way.  That seems pathetic to me.  But even more so, it scares me.

I want children and teenagers to understand that sex is wonderful.  In a few days I'm going to write about what I wish we could teach our children about sex, but today I'm going to share more about the film.

One young woman who'd been in the movies, and still was, shared how much she got paid for particular acts:
$400 for woman on woman
$600 for man on woman
$800 for two men on one woman
and increasingly more for anal sex then two men in her anus, on up to about $1500 for a gang bang.

Another woman said, (again paraphrased), "I don't have a college education.  What am I supposed to do?  My choices are to work in the food service industry or clean hotel rooms and not make enough to survive, or I can do this and make great money.  Easy choice."

The women in the film who were in the industry understandably spoke as if they were choosing to make the films.  It used to be understood that women in porn flicks were being used and abused and taken advantage of.  Now the women speak of choice and empowerment.  It's confusing to me.  I don't pretend to know the answers.  I just know for myself that our bodies have memories.  I don't know how these women - or these men - will be able to have a loving, intimate relationship in years to come without the body memories coming back to haunt them.

I can picture one of these actresses in bed with her husband, this time not play acting but, rather, just having beautiful sex, and suddenly she gets triggered by the way she's being touched, and the trauma of it interrupts their intimacy.  How could it not?  I don't believe for a moment that it's possible to repress scenes of being raped or tortured or abused - even though it's "just" acting - and not have it affect one later.  We human beings are very, very good at denial, but eventually stuff comes up and has to be dealt with.

I wonder what happens to these women as they age and can no longer make the films - what do they do then?  (Though the filmmakers showed "Granny Porn" as well - very old women having sex and acting sexy, with a certain ironic flair.)

I also feel for the men.  They weren't mentioned at all in the film.  What do they think or feel as they act out violence and cruelty towards women?  Don't they have family members they respect?  How would they respond if that were happening to their mother or sister or daughter?  How does it feel to be one of 12 studly-looking men standing in a circle jerking off on a woman's face?  Does he feel strong and powerful and better-than for having conquered this woman?  How about if she is in torture devices and he's pulling her hair and stomping on her face while his "buddy" is raping her?  I can't separate fantasy from reality enough there to understand how people can portray such scenes.

I know the difference between acting and reality most of the time, but these people are actually having sex.  The women are actually having 2-3 men penetrate her at a time.  They are actually tied up, with handcuffs on, and are being violated then they're having to eat their own feces or urine.  They are actually doing those things.  It is not chocolate on his penis or lemonade she's drinking.  How can a person absent herself or himself enough to do those things without being damaged by it?  I do not understand.

More tomorrow.

CAUTION:  This blog has some very graphic descriptions of body modifications which  may be disturbing to read.

The other night I wasn't quite ready for bed yet, but Chris had already gone up - that means I got to choose exactly the movie I wanted to watch without trying to figure out what we'd both like to watch that would be mostly OK for both but not quite right for either (unless we hit the jackpot!).  I enjoy documentaries so I flipped through the possibilities on Netflix and saw one called Flesh and Blood.   I don't like horror movies, so that's not what this was.  Rather, it's a very graphic movie about body modification as done by an artist named Steve Haworth.

I had never seen anything like it.

Steve Haworth lives in Arizona and works with people to modify their bodies in ways I'd never even considered.  One of his main pursuits is to insert what appear to be silicon shapes under the skin in order to raise the skin in that shape.  One man had rib-shaped inserts and spheres put on his arm by his bicep.  When he flexed, the bulge would have the shape not only of the muscle, but also of the ribs and spheres.  It was hard to look at. 

One man had more piercings than most.  He decided to have his scrotum pierced because he wanted to be able to put his finger through it.  He also wanted to be able to insert a rod in it so he could feel his prostate.  All of these operations are done without anesthesia because Haworth is not a doctor and is therefore not allowed to use it.

When asked what he's discerned about why people get their bodies modified, Haworth said there are four primary reasons:

The shock value
Aesthetics
Sexual pleasure
For the experience of the pain

Some people take the pain as a challenge.  For others as a spiritual thing.  One woman said that she has learned to perceive pain completely differently from having her body modified.  Knowing how much she can endure when getting pierced or whatever, when pain comes her way in "real life", she knows she can just breathe and get through it, knowing it'll pass, just like it did when she had her body modified.  I bet childbirth is an easy affair for these folks!

Another activity Haworth leads is called Suspension.  He inserts hooks into people's skin and lifts them off the ground so they hang suspended for different periods of time.  One man, the one who had his scrotum pierced, was suspended the entire length of his back, then his girlfriend was suspended from his front by her entire front.  They glowed afterwards, talking about how close they felt and how amazing it was to do that with each other. 

Haworth also has developed a process whereby he can insert things into the skin into which things like spikes and horns can be screwed.  One guy had 12 or so spikes coming out of the top of his head.  He eventually had them taken out because he became a full time father and he was finding that it was simply too difficult to have conversations with people because they were too distracted by the spikes.  Haworth was very sad to take them out, but did so anyway.

There was another man who was part Native American.  His totem is the Cat.  He had a facial tattoo of a tiger/cat, and Haworth has modified his face to make him look more like a cat.  His upper lip is split.  His nose has been sewn down to his upper lip so it is flatter like a cat's.  I believe he has claws on his fingers.  He had a ridge inserted above his eyes so his facial structure is more like a cat's.

When I watched a Lady Gaga video the other day, I noticed her odd cheekbones and shoulders and wondered if she had inserts put in there.

It was very uncomfortable watching this video.  They showed many of the people getting the procedures done and the pain they experienced.  It opened up a whole new world to me, though.  And it helped me understand some of the reasons people have for undergoing such procedures.  I found myself wondering what their upbringing was like and what would have brought them to the point where they would feel a need to modify themselves so much.  It did not make me want to get it done to myself at all.  It was absolutely fascinating at the same time as it was horrifying.  I'm glad I watched it - I learned something new - but my goodness!  Yikes!

This journey is taking me some very interesting places and is certainly challenging me to let go of my preconceived judgments.  I continue to find that, as I learn more about why people do things, I become less judgmental and more accepting, even if I wouldn't make the same choices for myself.