Where She Finds Herself

A couple of months ago, before Not Barbie, an acquaintance asked me to photograph her.  I was a bit surprised to find she wanted to go outside, but I was game for it.  I have woods beside my house which are dense enough that the neighbors can't really see what's going on unless they are out on a walk.  This model, I'll call her Nan, told me she'd been going through a tough time recently - way too much stress, too much responsibility, and definitely not enough fun.  When I mentioned the possibility of photographing her outside, she jumped on it immediately as if I were offering her a ticket to sanity and peace.

When we got outside, she disrobed and immediately began to explore her surroundings.  She went inward, communing with the trees and bushes, many of which had just fallen during Hurricane Irene.  I photographed her among the fallen trees and dying leaves, giving me the sense that she was sitting in her nest, a home which offered her natural safety and protection.  She got up to walk some more.  She had been told by a psychic that trees were very important to her and she should spend some time in the woods.  She went over to a large birch and embraced it.  I could sense an exchange of energy as Nan received strength and succor from the giant.  I photographed her in that moment.

When thinking about which painting to create from the photographs of her, I was strongly drawn to that one.  I also had the idea to collage pictures of models onto a canvas and have them surround one of my models.  Nan's picture seemed a good fit for that.  I worked in Photoshop to try to figure out the composition.  I spent two days, in fact, playing with possibilities and options, trying to figure out what I was trying to say and how to say it. I guess all that thinking and experimenting was helpful, but I didn't come up with anything through that process.  Instead, I got sick of trying and finally just went to the canvas and painted a very rough sketch of Nan.  Then I went to my large pile of models I'd cut from several women's/teen's magazines my daughter had given me permission to destroy and began to arrange them around the outside of the oval.  It was exceedingly time-consuming to find them, cut them out, arrange them, glue them on, etc., but it was a fun process too.  Once that was done, I felt like they were too dominant, so I toned them down by glazing them with veridian and cadmium mixed with Golden's Semi-Gloss Gel Medium.

After that, I drew Nan on the canvas more carefully then couldn't wait to start laying in paint.  I got out my palette mud - what's left over at the bottom of the jar where I keep my turpenoid when it's too dirty to use anymore.  I pour off the turpenoid so the sediments can fall to the bottom then scrape out the paint that's left in the jar still.  I put that in another jar and keep it for when I need to tone a canvas or for whatever else - you never know when it'll come in handy!  It was perfect for the tree.  First of all it was almost the exact right color.  Secondly, it had a lot of glop and gloop in it - perfect for texture for the bark.  I got out my palette knife and started scraping it across the canvas.  Sloop, droop, slop, mess, scrape, glub, glob.  I took some texturizing tools and dragged them through the mess then added more paint.  It was really fun!  Kinda like making mudpies.  I really wanted to get my hands in there but managed to keep that impulse under control.

That was yesterday.  Today I couldn't wait to get back to it.  (I love that feeling - when I wake up wanting to paint, thinking about the canvas, excited to get back to it.  It's not an every day occurrence, so I've come to really appreciate it when I have it.)  I taught art at Crossroads then rushed home, had lunch, and came on out.

I assessed what I'd done yesterday and still liked it so I began painting her shoulder.  I don't have the light right on it - the white part doesn't read well since it's too confusing what the light is supposed to be.  I'll change that tomorrow.  I moved on to her face.  For some reason, it seemed very, very easy to paint her face.  I think her features must be somehow similar to mine.  They seemed very familiar and simple to paint.  She doesn't look completely like Nan yet, but it's a very good approximation for a first day of work.  I was feeling tired but couldn't wait to keep going so I painted the hand quickly - I wanted to fill in the entire canvas.  Then I did some more work on the tree to make it look more realistic.  I'm excited by the texture of the bark!

When I look at it now, I'm starting to see the message I'm trying to get across.  Chris came out to the studio when he got home from work and said it looks too chaotic to him - all those faces are bothering him because he wants to focus on her meditative sensibility.  THAT is pretty much my point - how can a person stay attuned to nature, or become attuned to nature, with all the input from the media and the rest of the world?  It's a real challenge to not let the thousands of images we see daily overtake us.

I may lessen the impact of the surrounding images a little bit by glazing it again so they'll be darker and less prominent, but I haven't decided yet.  Perhaps my dreams will tell me.

In the meantime, Nan can meditate on the tree, and all those faces can try to attract us to buy whatever it is they're offering (sex, clothing, lipstick, face powder - whatever), and I'm going to go to the grocery store then make dinner and share the evening with my precious husband.  Have a good one, y'all!

This piece is called Woman Seated.  I thought I had finished it and felt excited about the vigorous palette knife strokes and the bold colors.  Then my husband and older son independently looked at the piece and told me that I was not done!  In no uncertain terms.  The model is one of my son's friends, so he was very clear, "Mom, I'm not going to let you leave her looking like that.  She's much pretty than that.  No way.  You made her look way too masculine.  You have to make her look better."  OK OK OK OK!

So she sat around the studio for a couple of weeks, looking at me, saying the same things Andrew had.  Today I wasn't expecting to have a chance to paint because my mom just got out of the hospital so I figured I'd go over there and help her out.  We spoke on the phone, though, and she's doing OK, so she told me to go ahead and stay home.  Time to paint!

I didn't have a new canvas to work on so I figured that must mean it's time to work on Woman Seated again.  I decided to try putting in more accurate coloration, but using glazes so that the previous colors would show through.  I was curious to see how that would look.  I'm pretty thrilled so far actually.  It's obvious, I think, which parts I worked on today.  I love how her skin looks translucent as the bold colors from before show through.  It makes her skin glow.  I don't have time to work more on it now because it's Chris's birthday, but I think I'll have some time to get back to it tomorrow.  

I'm blessed to have two such discerning critics in the house to help me be more patient when I think I'm done but am not!  Thanks, Andrew and Chris!

good work day

I'm really enjoying having so much time to focus on creating art and finding places to show it.  I wake up in the morning ready and raring to go (quite a change for me, as people who know me will attest to!), full of things I want to do all day.  I feel completely focused almost all the time whether I'm painting, blogging, writing emails, advertising my classes, setting up exhibitions, writing my book, or whatever else has arisen to do.  Each day is new and different and exciting and full of joy.

Today, for example, I had an 8 AM appointment with Larkin Garbee, the owner of James River Tile.  Larkin saw Sacred Flesh and immediately started thinking about how she could help others see it too.  She has invited me to hang it at her company's showroom (a very cool place with amazing tiles all over the walls - check it out!) and is planning a black tie dinner for Valentine's Day, to be entitled Love Your Body, to showcase it.  We met today so I could see her space and to discuss more details of the dinner.  It's amazing to collaborate with others about things - so many great ideas get generated, ones I never could have come up with on my own!

After meeting with Larkin, I went and took down an exhibit I'd had at the Central Virginia Legal Aid building.  They had asked for an artist to show his/her work there to help brighten up their offices, so I put some of my fruits there in June.  I'm glad to have gotten them back home - Larkin would like me to show those at her place too.

At 10, I went to Johnston Willis Hospital to meet with a woman about having my students have an art show in their cafeteria.  They have a beautiful space which was carefully designed for art displays and are looking for folks to show there.  One of my students works there and told me about the opportunity.  I've arranged for them to show in April.  I think it'll be very exciting - it'll be a juried show with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place ribbons.  For many of the students, it will be their first opportunity to show their work in public!  We're planning to have a small reception in their honor as well.

After meeting at the hospital, I came back home and did some office work - emails, etc., then finally got into the studio at 1:30.  I spent the afternoon painting the small 6"x6" canvases to go around Don't Mess with Me.  I have finished 15 of them, I think - 5 more to go!  It's quite a process!  Today I painted some garlic, a seashell, a wooden puzzle, and finished an apple and some broccoli from yesterday.  Unfortunately I can't show you how they look yet because my camera is at the shop for repairs.  Hopefully I'll hear tomorrow what's up with it and how much it'll cost to fix.

This evening I've spent more time painting the small canvases, printing up tags for a show, sending my resume and artist statement and list of pieces out to the curator for a show.  In a few minutes I have to go organize the pieces for that show so I can take them to be hung tomorrow.  It's a lot of work keeping track of all this, but it's so much fun!

While I'm working out in the studio, Chris has been in the wood shop the last few weeks working on a very elaborate frame for Don't Mess with Me.  It has one 18" opening plus 20 6" openings surrounding the central one.  He thought he was almost finished, but when he went to put it together, he found things didn't fit right.  He said  he's learned a lot from his first attempt and will be able to do it more quickly this time around.  I would be so frustrated I would screech with fury, but he is so patient and persistent, he seems OK with starting all over from scratch.  Good thing it's him and not me!  I feel incredibly blessed to have his support and help in my art.  I couldn't do it all without him.  He is an amazing man and a real blessing.

Don't Mess with Me - enhanced

 The last week or so I've been working on a series of small paintings, 6"x6", of fruits and vegetables with patterns in the background.  I originally started painting them because I had 4 small canvases and wanted to do something fun and simple one day.

When Chris came out and took a look at them, he hung them up next to Don't Mess with Me which also has a strong pattern in the background and suggested that I surround the canvas with 20 small canvases like that with fun and funky patterns.  The model's expression is so strong that she still dominates the scene, but the fruits and vegetables give the viewer LOTS to look at and delight in. 

Today we talked bout how to build the frame and think we'll make it like a shelf into which the small canvases slide.  We may leave a few of the openings empty for the purchaser to fill him/herself, or maybe we'll put real fruit into it.  It's very fun playing with the ideas for it.

 

The picture here gives an idea of sort of how it might look, but I've only done 11 small canvases so used some of them twice in this image.  I wanted to be able to see how I like it to see if it it needs tweaking or not.  This version of it will be 45.5"x45.5" when finished.

Chris is going to have to develop some more woodworking skills to create the frame for it!  I also figure I could sell the smaller fruits separately during a show if anyone were interested.  I think it's always wise to have some smaller works available for purchase.

This piece is quite different from anything else I've done, and I don't really think it's the start of a new direction, but it's very fun playing with a new idea and taking it to its (natural?) conclusion.  It's wonderful brainstorming with Chris and see where our combined imaginations take us.

Bodies and Souls, The Century Project

For any of you who've read my blog for any time, you probably know I'm working on putting a book together of my paintings (and perhaps photographs) along with writings about/by my models about their experiences, their feelings about their bodies, or anything else they choose to write about.  A couple of weeks ago, I discovered that a man named Frank Cordelle has done a project which is somewhat similar - and done it beautifully!  His book is named Bodies and Souls: The Century Project (this link will take you to the author's website where you can see samples from the book). It is full of photographs he took of women from 9 months to 93 years old, all sizes, many different races, many with scars and mastectomies, etc.  The photographs are beautiful, and the writings by the women (and/or sometimes by him) are quite moving. 

Many of the women, sadly, were abused as children or raped as adults.  Many have had cancer.  It seemed like most of them had fairly gripping tales to tell.  Here's an example of what a woman named Leslie wrote:

I hope that my image and words will bring optimism to anyone facing a difficult challenge.  This diesease, which has confronted me with mortality unlike any experience I've had so far, has also heightened my sense of how precious each day is.

Recognizing myself in this photograph has helped me accept the changes in my body and absorb the knowledge that it won't ever be the same.  In some way, I've been able to regain a sense of control in my life as well.  I will walk forward from this image, call it the past, respect it, and learn from it.  But for now, it is a gift to know that I have the present, and the hope for a future, with all its possibilities and uncertainties. 

Leslie

The author wrote a note afterwards:

Leslie had breast cancer and has had a mastectomy on her left side.  She also had a saline implant so as to be able to wear a bathing suit without attracting a lot of attention.  While surgeons are quite capable of reconstructing her nipple, she was undecided as to whether or not it was worth the effort.  She was clearly tired of surgery at that point.

The day after the photo session, she went for her last chemotherapy.

That's a good example of the quality of the text in the book.  The photographs are equally powerful.  I highly recommend this book!

When I told Chris about it, he asked how I felt since it seemed like Frank Cordelle had done the same thing I am wanting to do.  At one level, I feel a little bit disappointed since it is similar to my idea.  On the other hand, I'm thrilled that it's out there!  It's helping heal people by its existence - that's my goal with my work as well - it doesn't matter who does it - it just needs to be done!  I also feel like there's enough room for more than one book!  And the paintings I'm doing are significantly different than the photos he has taken, and the women have different bodies, different stories, different things to tell the world about themselves.  It makes me happy to know this project and this book exist and that people are interested in both.  I believe that will give me more of an opening to get my work into the world!