Contemplations on a Beach Vacation

This was written Dec 16 before I left for a week at the Outer Banks, NC.

I'm going to the Beach Sunday.  My soul is already there.  I've already slowed my senses down to take in the vast nothingness of the waves and water and sand and sky.  I want to take my camera and paints and pads and pens and I don't want to take anything. I want hours of nothingness, staring into the repetitive roll of wave after wave assuring me that my life is not my own - I came from the stars and will return there.  Meanwhile I have choice and love and patience to explore. I  have my senses to show me the creativity of the Universe.  I hesitate to mention God, but I believe in God.  I believe in a God who is my best friend, my closest confident, my greatest comfort, my biggest cheerleader, my adviser and quiet witness to all that I do and all that I am.  He is the parent I've longed for and have always had within me.  Even as a child, I felt cradled by his presence, never alone and scared - alone and anxious, unsure what to do or how to handle a given situation, but solidly knowing I am not alone.  When I listen, God is immediately there for me, telling me what I need to know or what to do next.  I draw my inspiration from listening to God.  I follow leadings from God and, on perfect days, I allow myself to open up to God's creativity and channel that.  My best art comes directly from God.  My desire to change women's body consciousness comes from God.  My blessings come from God.  And I also believe my challenges come from God, giving me opportunities to love more deeply and with greater awareness of the frailty of our humanity.

I often wish I cold overcome my humanity and embody more God-like qualities.  I wish I had an open door forgiveness policy.  I wish I could immediately glean the lessons being offered in challenging situations.  I wish my heart were as big as God's.  I wish I could incorporate God-consciousness into everything I do, say, think or feel.

That is why I am going to the beach on Sunday - to be a hermit, away from the pulls of my human life, to a place where I can more easily focus on what really matters to me.  I want to drop everything and become conscious of my breath, of the pull of my eyelids towards sleep, of the yearnings of my body for specific nutrients, of my soul for the roar of the ocean, the moon rising over the water, the crash of the surf as it and I play tag, me screeching as it gets me, it roaring in fake scariness as it plunges towards me then just as quickly pulls away.

I breathe deeply, settling into the slow goodness of it all.

Shell Studies

While at the Outer Banks on vacation, I brought many, many art supplies.  I brought oil paints and 10 canvases and an easel a student was generous enough to loan me.  I brought 2 boxes of pastels along with pastel paper.  I brought pencils and a gorgeous sketchbook I bought in Venice and am intimated to use because it's so beautiful.  And watercolors and brushes and paper.  It was a lot of stuff!  I made sure to use each thing while there.

One of the first days were were there, the weather was very nice, if somewhat blustery.  I decided that would be a good day to head to the beach to paint, unfamiliar easel and all.  I learned that it is cold painting outdoors at the beach in March, even with my loving husband as a windbreak and a tube-opener!  I painted two small canvases of the ocean and beach.  I am NOT yet skilled at painting the waves!  I spent a good deal of time staring at them trying to figure out how they work and how to paint them, but I will be the first to admit that I was not successful in either. The first painting I did with my palette knife.  It was fun to slop the paint around and to try to capture the extravagant vitality of the crashing waves, but when I was done, I knew it was not a keeper.  For one thing, there was too much paint on it to dry before leaving for home.  For another, it simply wasn't good enough.  Yuck!  The second one was better but not significantly.  I brought it home with me, but will not embarass myself by showing it here!  I have so much to learn about painting landscapes.  They are not my forte, darn it!  I kept thinking as I tried to paint the waves - I KNOW how to paint the body.  It makes sense to me.  It has defineable form and light and shadow and color and value.  These darn waves are so spectacular, but I can't figure out how to paint them at all!  I have pictures of them.  I guess I'll have to work from a few photos to try to decipher them then try plein aire again.

The next thing I did was to combine watercolor and pencil to draw some shells.  We were blessed to find many, many whelk shells so I wanted to draw them.  I love spirals, and they have great spirals!  Sadly the pencil made the watercolor turn out too grey and dull so that wasn't such a great idea, but I enjoyed the process.  I also find shells difficult to draw.

After that, I didn't want to stop so I used a burnt sienna-colored pen to draw the outlines of shells then filled them in with watercolor.  I feel like they were more successful.  I was able to paint the details and play with the patterns in ways that satisfied me more.  While walking on the beach, I kept finding shell fragments that I found absolutely beautiful.  Their patterns were compelling to me.  I decided to bring them back to the house (and ultimately cart them home) so I could be inspired by nature.

After painting the watercolor shells, I got out my pastels and used the patterns and colors as the stepping off for color studies.  Here's the most obvious one:

became

I really liked the 3-D effect of the ups and downs on the shell.

This is from those purple and white shells that I find everywhere and think are so beautiful.  I love the colors.  The drawing reminds me of a sunrise as well as the shell.

This one is based on the movement in the shell. It was very 3 dimensional and had wonderful colors in it.

This came from my favorite shell.  The shell was just a sliver of an ivory-colored shell with very fine blue lines pitched at just the curved angle I have above.  It was so delicate and beautiful.

I tried a different technique for this one - cross-hatching.  It certainly gives it a different feel.

This last one is based on a scallop shell I found and is more like the color studies I worked on a few years ago.  I really like the juxtaposition of colors and the fieriness of it.

Thanks for taking a look!

The beach vs the mall

I'm beginning to prepare for vacation.  We're headed to the Outer Banks for a week.  I love it there.  The air feels different.  There are broad expanses with no buildings, no people, no civilization.  We will be staying in Avon at the edge of one of the parks, so we'll have 17 miles of sandy beach to walk on should the spirit so move us.  Rarely do we see any people walking along there at this time of year.  It's perfect for silence and deep thinking (as long as the waves crashing don't count as noise!)

In contrast to being at the beach, Chris and I went to the mall yesterday.  It was the first time in over 15 years I'd been to a mall, so it was quite an experience.  (Remember, I told you I'm weird!)  It was such a stimulating experience.  First of all, there was no silence to be had.  The sounds of voices echoed throughout the cavernous space whenever we weren't in a store.  In the stores, there was always loud music blaring.  Visually there was so much to see and to process, it was overwhelming.  We were looking for a pair of shoes for Chris.  He wears size 14.  We'd already been to 4 stores along Midlothian Turnpike, but none of them had anything his size that would fit his feet well.  That was why we decided to brave the Mall.  For three hours we trudged through the packed hallways (hard to believe we're in a recession given how many people were there) looking for black casual leather shoes for narrow feet in size 14.  I think we went to 15 stores.  Eventually we were pulled into the Sleep Number Mattress Store.  That one looked too inviting to pass up!  We lay on the beds one by one and were hypnotized by the very nice saleswoman's pitch about how the beds are made and why.  Chris was very interested in buying one, even though they cost about $2000 just for the mattress.  I told the saleswoman we'd give it some thought and would let her know.  I knew I needed to get him out of there!  They were interesting mattresses and might be helpful for the back pain I've been experiencing for the last year, but I am not ready to spend $2000 for one! 

When we walked out of the store and compared notes, Chris asked me, "How does your back feel?"  I told him it was feeling strained and sore.  He said his was too!  So much for the mattress!  He said he figured we could sort it out so it would be just right.  I feel skeptical.  It was a very good sales pitch though.

Eating at the food court was another experience.  Such a din!  Dinner was fine - teriyaki chicken.  I was thankful for the water.  I tend to get dehydrated when I shop in Malls so needed water badly.  So many people there with their kids crying; teens hanging out, trying to impress each other; couples wandering around; kids ready to go home NOW.  Not much interaction between people other than those already together.  And noise.  And sights and sounds.

A few more stores so we'd been to all of them to find the darn shoes. We stumbled into Sears like survivors onto an island.  We looked at the Lands End area.  Chris found some khakis and shorts for ridiculously good prices.  I bought a winter coat I'd been looking at in their catalogue all winter long - 75% off.  After 3 hours, we'd finally pried open our wallets.

We heaved up our bags and walked wearily to the car which we finally found after pushing the lock/unlock button enough times that we could locate it by sound.  Too hard to remember where it was parked after all that time.

It was a relief to get into the car, a hybrid, with no motor noises, in the dark, and be quiet together as we rode home.  The silence of our home on the cul-de-sac was so welcome.  We are open to the possibility of becoming hermits.  We appreciate simplicity and silence and open space and sparse surroundings.  We love our friends and family and don't really want to be recluses, but it is such a jolt to be confronted by so much excess in a Mall.  Wow.